Charm is personality’s perfume
Don’t keep your face impassive when you meet or begin dealing with another human being.
Personality is limited to donate interpersonal role, both explicit and implicit. Role means the form and style of interpersonal relationship. The explicit role is verbal; the implicit role is nonverbal. Charm is bloom on a personality. It magnetizes. This asset of personality is not inborn. It can be developed by any one by following certain techniques.
Here are some techniques to develop charm in your personality.
Be nice, this is the essence of charm. Real charm does not seek to please so much as demonstrate concern.
When you meet somebody, say with genuine warmth: Hello! How pleasant to see you! How are you? This greeting not only gives pleasure, it also gives extra little psychologies lift.
Believe that given patience on your side it is possible to tolerate awkwardness and unkindness and manage to agree to differ. Don’t ride shod on others feelings by asking tactless questions and making thoughtless remarks. According to Cardinal Newman a gentleman in one who never inflicts italics. Scrupulously avoid hurting others.
Don’t keep your face impassive when you meet or begin dealing with another human being. Demonstrate positive response-pleasure, interest, enquiry, curiosity, friendliness, willingness to help. Look every inch alive, alert and vibrant. Speak with animation warmth, enthusiasm and humour. Aim at looking pleased when you meet people. Reinforce your greeting with warmth, and friendliness in your voice.
We all yearn for others to be interested in us. Showing interest in other is a must if you want others to like you and feel that voice are a charming and pleasure personality. “If you want to make people like you”, says Dale Carnegie, “talk in terms of the other man’s interests”.
The bad habit is rooted in envy and jealousy of others. As J.K. Lavater has it. “If you are pleased at faults, you are displeased at finding perfections.” A fault finder is a non-doer; the real doer has no time for criticising others.
No one is attracted to the pessimist, the moaner, the grouch, the sourpuss. The cheerful person is one who smiles readily. He looks younger, more attractive and more confident. A
cheerful person is welcome everywhere. An old rich proverb has it, “continual cheerfulness is a sign of wisdom.”
Since life is a thorny and difficult path,
Where toils is the portion of man,
We should all endeavour, while passing along,
To make it as smooth as we can.
The desire to attract and hog attention can make us so insensitive to other people’s feelings and wishes that we are domineering selfish, rude and cruel. You can be so eager to talk that you continually interrupt other people. You may go on talking when people want you to be quiet, or prefer to let a subject drop or want to switch on to something else. You can play the buffoon or hurt people with your wit. You can spoil somebody’s attempt to do something. Don’t be like the Aesop’s fly that sat upon the axle-tree of the chariot wheel and said, “What a dust do I raise”.
If you are all wrapped up in yourself, you are overdressed. The whole sense of one’s importance is merely an evaluation of self by self. People who give themselves airs are shunned. Their outlook is geared to keeping their own end up and this gives them no time to like people and be concerned about them. Socially speaking it means trying to be always nice to people and not nice to them only when you feel like it. Recognize a mood before it takes firm hold of you.
Make a habit of breaking any bad mood. It is unreasonable and stupid to antagonize people simply because you happen to feel a bit off-colour.
If you like people, you will no doubt want to help them. It is natural to offer to do things for people. Not because you feel you should, but because that is the way you are. People who are genuinely charming are willing to co-operate and remain open-hearted with their time and money. They do not hold back, waiting to be asked, or wondering whether they will look silly. Instead they say, I’ll do it”, “I’ll try!”, “I’ll help you!”
It is co-operation.
Marcus Aurelius said, “We are made for co-operation, like feet, like hands, like eyelids, like the rows of the upper and lower teeth, to act against one another to be waxed and turn away.” Mark Twain said, “I can live for two month on a good compliment.” It doesn’t cost us much to encourage others in their activities or in coping with their problems. A few words, questions or two, a scribed note are all that is required. Resolve to go through life giving new zest and joy to people by dispensing encouragement and appreciation at every opportunity.
Hungry for what?
Old and young, skilled and unskilled, expert or novice, the intelligent and the not-so-bright, all thrive on a few well-chosen words. Less Giblin in How you can have Confidence and Power in dealing with People, says, “People everywhere are hungry for praise and appreciation. When we give them what they are hungry for, they are much more likely to be generous in giving us what we want from them, whether it is their skill manual work, ideas, co-operation, or what not.” To refuseprise is to censure!
To be understanding and sympathetic is another way of helping our fellow-beings as Harry and Bonaro Overstreet put it: “The drama of understanding is the drama of going forth to meet life more than half way. It is the drama of trying to see the other person’s point of view; of trying to foibles through other people’s concerns and life conditions.” Nothing in a fellow human being can be alien to us. As Rabbi Leo Baeck puts it, “To be a man means to be a fellow man. I am to make the man beside me my fellow man by my will and my deed.”
Apathy never attracted anyone or anything. Whoever minted the phrase: “I couldn’t care less” has done considerable harm. In all your transactions with others try to show enthusiasm, zest, keenness, liveliness, aliveness. These qualities should be evident on your face and in your voice. There is nothing smart, nothing clever, nothing attractive in your looking surly, bored, casual, apathetic. Healthy fulfilled people are enthusiastic about life. They like life. Others like to have such people around because enthusiasm is contagious says, H.N. Casson, “The supreme h.p. is not horse power. It is heart power the greatest of all prime movers.”
The desire to attract and hog attention can make us so insensitive to other people’s feelings and wishes that we are domineering selfish, rude and cruel. You can be so eager to talk that you continually interrupt other people. You may go on talking when people want you to be quiet, or prefer to let a subject drop or want to switch on to something else.
No one is attracted to the pessimist, the moaner, the grouch and the sourpuss.
Reinforce your greeting with warmthand friendliness in your voice.