Embracing Simplicity: The Jewel of Marriage
Nikah is a signifi cant practice carried out by the Holy Prophet Muhammad ( PB. U. H.) during his lifetime. As believers in Allah and followers of the Prophet Muhammad ( P. B. U. H.), we must adhere to his teachings and example. He emphasized to all the believers the importance of Nikah as a practice that strengthens one's faith. Therefore, it should be carried out with a focus on simplicity and without unnecessary showiness or extravagance.
According to a statement attributed to Prophet Muhammad ( P. B. U. H.), several factors are considered when a woman is married, including her wealth, family status, beauty, and religious beliefs. Choose a woman with strong faith if you want to thrive ( Sahi Bukhari). The parameters for selecting a bride and groom have been outlined in the Qur'an. However, we often search for partners to satisfy our earthly desires. We focus on material prosperity and physical attractiveness, which are crucial for our societal standing. We often view Nikah as a transaction driven by our own desires, overshadowing the true essence of the Sunnah. The institution of marriage in Islam is characterized by a comprehensive and extensive framework that encompasses the fulfi lments of rights and responsibilities, the preservation of religious, social, and moral values, and the fulfi lment of all associated obligations. In Islam, marriage is a means of fulfi lling the rights and responsibilities of both spouses while also protecting sinful and immoral behavior. It creates an ideal setting for cultivating a resilient and thriving family unit and fostering a prosperous and vibrant community.
The concept of Nikah in Islam is rooted in ideology, spirituality, morality, and social values. It can adapt to both men's and women's needs, desires, choices, and preferences. The duties and responsibilities are determined based on the abilities of individuals, regardless of gender. The husband is primarily responsible for meeting the family's fi nancial needs. In the Islamic understanding of marriage, both husband and wife experience love, respect, honour, dignity, social security, and social status. The Qur’an and Sunnah provide a comprehensive understanding of marriage, emphasizing the importance of a harmonious, content, and respectable marital life that safeguards against societal vices and transgressions. Islam provides clear guidelines and criteria for selecting partners. One crucial aspect of Muslim marriage is the concept of "Mehr." It refers to anything tangible or intangible a bride requests from the groom. The fulfi llment of this request is necessary for the marriage to be recognized as valid. An incident in our history highlights the simplicity of marriage and the concept of "Mehr." A companion once approached the Prophet Muhammad ( PBUH) seeking advice on his desire to get married. Despite his extreme poverty, he expressed his concern about not having anything to offer as Mehr. The companion responded negatively when asked by the Prophet if he possessed an "iron ring." Then, the Prophet Muhammad ( PBUH) inquired if the companion had committed any portion of the Quran to memory, and the companion confi rmed this. The Prophet instructed him to assist his wife in memorizing that portion of the Quran, which would serve as his Mehr. This incident highlights the straightforwardness of a marriage contract and demonstrates that even without extravagant expenses or elaborate ceremonies, it can still be executed smoothly. Islam has indeed allowed for the concept of "Mehr" without restrictions. Nevertheless, given the prevailing materialistic nature of weddings, Mehr's concept has become cantered around money, wealth, and jewelry, typically gold. Unfortunately, the bride is seldom given the opportunity to determine her own Mehr based on her own judgment and preferences. What was once a personal matter has now become a mere contest and display. It is interesting to note that in Islam, Mehr is required for a valid marriage, but there is no room for dowry or exchanges. Nevertheless, the prevailing custom of diverse functions and receptions involves the exchange of gifts such as electronic goods, jewellery, and copper- ware, aiming to cater to societal expectations. This inadvertently resembles the practice of dowry, albeit indirectly and unintentionally. Weddings are experiencing a signifi cant surge in popularity in the valley. Everything has become a display of opulence, from elaborate wedding invitations to high- end clothing, from luxurious gift boxes to extravagant decorations, and from a variety of gourmet food to lavish ceremonies. The Kashmiri cuisine ( Wazwan) is signifi cant in weddings and has been deeply rooted in our wedding culture since ancient times. However, it seems that it has deviated from its traditional path. Even in local weddings, there is an abundance of dishes, with over a dozen options. And when it comes to the feast for the groom ( Mahraz- saal), the number of dishes and variety increases signifi cantly. Elaborate and meticulous arrangements are made for the Baarat/ Mahraazsaal, including the decorations and the wide range of delicious food. However, society has overlooked that it is primarily a construct created by humans. Extravagant dry- fruit boxes with multiple compartments have posed a challenge for parents of girls. Even trays made of copper with multiple chambers are experiencing record- breaking success in our markets. The intricate designs of Meenakari and papier mache on these boxes and trays contribute to their high price. A tray without any contents, adorned with intricately crafted designs, can fetch a hefty price in the thousands of rupees. The exorbitant prices of dried fruits give them an air of luxury. How can a fi nancially struggling father afford such extravagant expenses? The individual who seeks attention and recognition will not bring us closer to the pleasure of Allah SWT or the public admiration we desire. It has negative consequences for both our present and future. And we restrict the freedom of others
Financial constraints can signifi cantly impact the timing and likelihood of marriage proposals. Individuals who are fi nancially responsible often rationalize delays by citing non- fi nancial reasons and having certain expectations. Often, the requirements for a potential match are not compatible, causing the proposals to fail before they even have a chance to succeed. The alignment of designations has emerged as a crucial factor and central focus over the compatibility of personalities. Recalling Rudyard Kipling's well- known words, ' Oh, East is East, and West is West and never the twain shall meet' to highlight a lack of agreement.
Typically, at a wedding, the number of guests can range from 800 individuals to occasionally the more lavish ones, with guest lists surpassing 1,000. When considering the numbers, the cost per plate or headcount ranges from 1000- 1500, resulting in a total catering cost of 60000- 80000 to 2 lakh. This price only covers the primary wedding date. The engagement and cup ceremony catering costs range from 50,000 to 3 lakhs. Therefore, the overall catering expenses amount to approximately 300,000 to 400,000 rupees. During pre- wedding ceremonies, the expenses for sweets and gifts can add up to a signifi cant amount. On average, each guest is anticipated to incur expenses ranging from Rs 1000 to Rs 1500. With a guest count of 20 to 40, the total expenditure can vary between Rs 30000 and 50000. The bride has generously taken care of the jewelry costs for her in- laws, including mother- in- law suits and other gifts for the groom's family and close relatives, representing a substantial amount of money.. The traditional Islamic marriage ceremony is typically held in a Mosque, emphasizing simplicity and the attendance of immediate family members. The bride and groom's families can offer nourishment to those who are hungry, even to anyone passing by. Months of careful planning for printing cards, gathering dowry, organizing gifts in abundance, and hosting an extravagant Walima party may not be essential.
It is crucial for us to recognise the signifi cance of adhering to the Sunnah established by Allah precisely as He has instructed. We should spread this message to the entire community. Let's embrace the purity of a simple Nikah and inspire others through our example. Let us bring our children together in a way that embodies the humility demonstrated by our Prophet