Covid taught counsellors they need therapy too

The pandemic has taken its toll on therapists and most say seeing a therapist themselves has been a big help

When her flight from Scotland landed in Chennai in December 2019, Nishi Ravi knew what she wanted. After a master in counselling from the University of Edinburgh, she was determined to take a break. Then the pandemic struck. Fifteen months later, she says, “I am yet to take that break.”

As Covid-19 upended life and added new layer of stress to it, many turned to therapists. But who did therapists turn to? They peered inwards and, well, reached out to their therapist.

A therapist’s therapist may seem like a fiction writer’s imagination. Surely they know all about the mind. Why would a therapist need to see a therapist?

That’s because we all have an unconscious fear of facing ourselves, says Kalpana Srivastava, president, Indian Association of Clinical Psychologists (IACP). “We deny our problems,” she says.

Counselling is designed as a one-way street. Even though therapy work may lead to growth in life for both the therapist and the person seeking therapy, the session is for the latter to vent out their feelings. The therapist listens with care, but when they need it, it’s not for the one in therapy to offer them empathy.

But those who help us gain perspective aren’t inoculated against life’s problems themselves. As British psychologist Harry Guntrip quoted one of his own therapists, Ronald Fairbairn, as saying: "I can't think what could motivate any of us to become psychotherapists if we hadn't got problems of our own".

Meghna Mukherjee realised this the hard way. The Noida-based psychoanalytical psychotherapist was saddled with extra work when her consultations shifted online. “The clinic admin would ask me to send in receipts after a session, something they should have taken care of. I was taking sessions, managing appointments and following up on payments, too,” she says. Mukherjee adds that she was also paid late on account of low collections. In her sessions, meanwhile, she’d be counselling people who were worried about their finances.

What complicates the situation is that therapists can’t vent their feelings to their spouse or friends. When the world receives a dose of anxiety, they are supposed to provide the elixir. Their need to remain neutral can, however, become unsettling for their own selves.

A 2020 research by the Suicide Prevention India Foundation found that 75 per cent of therapists surveyed said fatigue had impacted their work. Many therapists Business Standard spoke to said they tried helping everyone because they were carrying the guilt of not helping enough.

That’s something we need to avoid, says Shweta Dharamdasani, a Delhi-based psychotherapist who consciously reduced her caseload after Covid struck. Saying “no” is difficult but important, she argues. “We are sometimes trapped in the messiah complex of ‘I will save everyone’. What’s the point of taking a session if you can’t be there for your client?”

For that clarity, it is important that therapists look out for cues to know when they need help.

“If you find yourself unable to connect with your client or focus during sessions, that can be a sign. If you are regularly being late for your sessions or forgetting them altogether, that’s a warning bell,” says Mamta Shah, a clinical psychologist who divides her time between Ahmedabad and New Delhi.

“Even if you are overlooking your personal needs or are physically unhealthy or experiencing difficulty in sleeping, it may be time for you to engage in some self-reflection,” says Srivastava from IACP.

Shah suggests some go-to moves for therapists in such a situation.

“If you aren’t seeing a therapist, speak with a colleague, supervisor or your peer group. If they too feel it, you should seek expert advice from a psychiatrist or a therapist,” she says.

There are, however, roadblocks. If therapists aren’t offering therapy for a given hour, many feel they are losing out. Also, therapists of therapists need to carefully circumvent two obstacles.

One is the risk of becoming “work buddies” due to their shared interests. The second is the fear of judgement or comparison, especially if their experience or style of working is not comparable.

What may be helpful to remember is that by its design, therapy is a safe space to examine our feelings. “(In therapy) fragments that may not be welcome anywhere else are warmly invited and embraced into a shared space of gentle curiosity, empathy, and acceptance,” says Ravi who is also a therapist to therapists. It is important for counsellors to identify their Achilles heel and resolve their conflicts. Else, it can disrupt their work, showed a 2013 study by Maria Malikiosi-loizos, professor emeritus of counselling psychology at the University of Athens.

Some, like Dharamdasani, found time to paint and create bookends during the pandemic while undergoing regular therapy. Others wrote poetry, made candles, did gardening or took time out to talk to friends and family. All these can be an important part of one’s self-care routine.

As Ravi says, “My therapist helps me navigate my own guilt, anxieties and uncertainties... Having a non-judgemental space allows me to gain insight into my own behaviours and narratives, which also translates into how authentically I can therapeutically relate with my clients.”

‘WE ALL HAVE AN UNCONSCIOUS FEAR OF FACING OURSELVES. WE DENY OUR PROBLEMS’ KALPANA SRIVASTAVA President, Indian Association of Clinical Psychologists