“A let­ter to my dad”

We’re cel­e­brat­ing the spirit of Fa­ther’s Day at Cosmo this month, and got four of In­dia’s fear­less, young au­thors to pen per­sonal, touch­ing let­ters to the first man in their lives...

Cosmopolitan (India) - - YOU, YOU, YOU - By Me­her Ba­jwa

Yaana Gupta is a model, ac­tress, singer and now au­thor of How To Love Your Body And Get The Body You Love

Dear Dad, As I have re­cently turned 33, I of­ten won­der if I’m ready to have chil­dren of my own. Then I think of you and mom, and about our ‘ non- ex­is­tent’ fam­ily, as I used to call it. I was six- and- a- quar­ter when you left. When I look back on those years now, I can still vi­su­alise the pat­tern of the fab­ric of my bed in minute de­tail; an orange this­tle on a brown back­ground. Ev­ery time you two would fight, I’d run into my room, snug­gle on the bed and watch the orange this­tle slowly get­ting wet...

For months af­ter you left, I kept wak­ing up at sharp 12am, wait­ing for you to walk in and take me out for our se­cret round- about. Re­mem­ber, how we used to watch hedge­hogs ven­ture out of their hide­aways?

I also re­mem­ber how I’d count the days till your next visit ( as per what the court had pre­scribed af­ter the di­vorce), but when you re­mar­ried and had chil­dren, I stopped count­ing, as the gaps be­tween your vis­its got longer and longer. I could never un­der­stand why your wife would stop you from see­ing us, and even more, why you couldn’t stand up to her. It was hard to be re­placed, but it was even harder to lose you...

Time has gone by, but I some­times come face- to- face with that lit­tle girl inside me, who is still so hurt about not hav­ing a dad. How­ever, I am no longer up­set about it, as I have lived through some tough times my­self. I un­der­stand now that some­times we may want to do the ‘ right’ thing, but how­ever much we try, it may not be pos­si­ble. And even though we felt aban­doned by you, today I’m glad that you left and chased your hap­pi­ness, sim­ply be­cause I love you and I be­lieve when you truly love some­one, you want them to be happy, even if it hurts you.

PS: I’m happy you have come back dad. We missed you...



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