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Let’s start with what he’s not saying: your name. At least in the early stages of dating, guys will refer to you only with epithets like Elevator Girl, Yoga Girl, or Facebook Girl. After that, everything is context-specific. Here’s what he’s saying about
Your (ultimate) guide to understanding the male brain.
…HE’S BEING SCHMOOPY
Sometimes we do share our feelings. This
could get us mocked. “My friends made fun of me for how often I mentioned a girl,” says Manav, 23, a film editor. “At that point, I flipped to macho posturing: ‘Oh, like you wouldn’t hook up with her?!’” It’s true: we still haven’t left ninth grade.
…HE’S NOT INTO THE SEX
Trick category! This never really
happens. Unless a sex move lands us in the ER, we think every woman’s good in bed. Writer Chris, 33, evokes the classic metaphor: “Sex is like pizza, and there’s no bad pizza. That’s because men don’t need emotion to orgasm; we just need friction.”
“I think she’s The One,” says no guy, ever. Men don’t talk like that unless they’re Ryan Gosling in a rom- com. If we have strong feelings for someone, we’ll say almost nothing. So if you bump into one of his friends who hasn’t heard much about you, it’s not ( necessarily) a deal breaker.
…IT’S JUST A HOOKUP
Brace yourself: I won’t sugarcoat this. “I’d say something like, ‘She gives amazing oral sex’,” says Jaideep, 32, a consultant. He quickly clarifies, “That’s meant as a compliment. I’d be ecstatic if a girl said I was an oral-sex champ. But I wouldn’t say anything vulgar if there was long-term potential.”
Depends on the guy. If he’s guilt- ridden, he’ll say something like, “Shit, I really
screwed up,” and unburden his guilt over a beer ( or many). If he’s less sensitive, he’ll make it about what the girl did wrong (“she doesn’t do it for me anymore”).
…ANYTHING BAD WHATSOEVER HAPPENS IN THE RELATIONSHIP
“She’s crazy, man,” Dhruv, 31, a musician, admits to having said. Men love this line. It’s the Swiss Army knife of relationship talk. Most of the time, it’s a way to avoid the fact that
he may be at fault too. Admitting that would cross the line into therapy.
‘Cool moves, bro.’