Ask Cosmo Anything
From random little issues to major life dramas, we’ve got your back.
Q.My boyfriend of six months ended it by text, saying he was too old for me. He was 32 and I’m 20. I think it was just a lame excuse as we were getting on fine, even though he never acted like a real boyfriend; we didn’t do things together. He was my first sexual partner. I feel used and can’t get over him.
It isn’t only women who fear the 30year threshold: men do too. His anxiety about being 30-plus might have been eased by attracting a young virgin. But it’s likely he began to worry that his mates would tease him as a cradlesnatcher—so he would only meet you privately, almost secretly. To be honest, you two didn’t really get on fine: you just had sex. Then, too guilty or embarrassed to confront you, he broke it off with a cowardly text. Believe it or not, six months of a not-quite relationship, even though it was your first, is a drop in the ocean of your life. Give it two weeks for every month you were together to recover. Then you’ll find you’re stronger than you were before.
Q: I lost my virginity at 18 and have only had sex twice since— both one-night stands. I’ve never given a blow job, tried doggy style, or had an orgasm. I’m desperate for a boyfriend, but who wants to date a 27-year-old who’s practically still a virgin? A:
Not all men are scanning the room for porn queens and sex goddesses. A lot of them—more than you think—are unnerved by overt sexual confidence. They worry their best efforts won’t even register on some women’s sex-o-meter, never mind ‘ring her bell’. All assumptions—sexual or otherwise—are simply guesses, not to be confused with facts. Your inexperience might make you feel undesirable, but it’s not fact. That aside, your sexual past is private: you don’t have to tell all on the first date—or ever. History’s history.
Q: My boyfriend of four years used to do drugs, but now he’s replaced it with alcohol. I don’t want to give up on him—sadly, his family doesn’t care much. He won’t talk about it; only excuses and apologies. He’s short of money but wouldn’t be if he drank less. How can I help? A:
He’s drinking not for pleasure but in a bid to dull an inner pain. And drinking in excess, like drugs, creates a pain all of its own; a self-destructive pattern that entices him to drink more and more. Meanwhile, the deepest pain, the one within himself that started his drinking, remains. It’s only by facing that original pain that he will be able to heal himself and put aside the bottle. He’s blessed to have you, as his family doesn’t care. Be there for him and ask him to join groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, where they work with people with a drinking problem.
Q: I’ve seen a lot of celebs do the socks-and-shoes trend, but don’t know how to work it... A:
The socks-with-sandals trend has the potential to range from stylish to silly. To avoid the latter, pair solid-hued socks with pumps or ankle boots (see Taylor Swift), or team your boyfriend jeans with socks under strappy shoes. When in doubt, work the safe option—black trouser socks with classic stilettos.
Take socks-with-shoes lessons from Taylor Swift, Rita Ora, Rihanna and Alex Bake