I have been with my boyfriend for two years. I love him desperately, but he excludes me from anything work-related, like outings with his colleagues. When I said I felt insulted and unable to commit to a future, he cried. I feel we should break up before
Men and women reaching for the top of the ladder need somewhere away from office pressure and politics; somewhere they are neither boss nor bossed. His emotional response to your feelings indicates how much he appreciates you as his escape. He doesn’t want you to mix with his colleagues because you’re his lifeaffirming alternative. Concentrate on making the life you share loving and lively—invite friends over, plan days out for the two of you and enjoy your job rather than resenting his. And by the way, to love someone ‘desperately’ isn’t a good idea. Much better to love happily and hopefully.
Q: I am in a long-distance relationship. We spent six weeks together but now live in different countries. I haven’t seen him in a month. He says I’m welcome to visit him but makes no effort to visit me. What should I do? My friends say I ought to find someone here, but I really like him. A:
Long-distance relationships are difficult, mostly because they encourage daydreams about who you are as much as about who he is. He edits everything he says to you. And you know you edit what you say to him. So he could be scared to commit himself to a visit and let you see him away from his support systems. Common sense agrees with your friends: let him go. But romance says—as long as you keep your wits about you—why not see him again? Talk to him face to face, watch his reactions, and get to know him better than you ever could long-distance.
Q: My boyfriend has a female friend who messaged him on Facebook when she was dumped by her boyfriend. Then we were at a party where he had his arms around her and they were chatting while I sat alone at the bar. I don’t want to seem needy but do I have a right to be angry?
Yes. His rudeness deserves anger. And controlled anger can be constructive. Tell him you deserve an apology, not because of her but because he ignored you in public. Keep jealousy out of it, or he could feel forced to defend their friendship against you. And maybe that’s exactly what she wants. When a boyfriend’s good friend happens to be female, it’s smart to become her friend too. Next time you meet her with or without him, begin a conversation about anything but him. She’ll soon reveal in hints and attitude whether there’s hope or heat between them for you to deal with. Or to walk away from.
Q: I know that knits are really big right now, but can I really wear a knit for the night? A:
Sure you can! The trick lies not in the actual fabric, but the details on it and what you pair it with. For instance, you could team a jumper with a formal skirt as seen at Michael Kors or add tonnes of jewellery to a simple knit top. If all else fails, simply go with a piece that’s bright.