Of dudes and duffers

Ashmit Patel’s show on Bindaas about “flirting” and “getting a girl” is going nowhere

through them the entire Internet world, gets into a bunny bikini and poses. Ms Hayat has mastered three poses — Pose 1: she thrusts her bosom into the cameras; Pose 2: she thrusts her behind into the cameras; Pose 3: (a sideways shot) she thrusts her bosom one way, her behind the other and pouts. And it’s Happy Birthday Sofia.

Together, Mr Patel and Ms Hayat arrive every week to teach a bunch of boys the art of flirting. They help them acquire real life skills so that these boys can pick up girls anywhere, anytime. The boys are made to pose as taxi drivers and must try to take female passengers home; they are told to loiter on the sets of photo shoots and hit on models; they are sent to dark cinema halls where they have to pester single girls trying to watch a movie for their phone numbers; and, as a group exercise, all are sent to a yoga class where they must compete with each other and get a private lesson with the yoga instructor. You may think all this is easy; it’s not. I have seen boys grovelling, even crying and begging girls for their phone numbers while the girls are either slipping into a deep coma or screaming for help. Also, there are competitions among the boys, to see who is a greater dude than the other. Now you may think that Ms Hayat and Mr Patel quiz them about the capital of India and Pakistan, or ask them to write an essay on cow No, that’s not how superdudes are made. These battles are decided by tug-ofwar and other such manly pursuits that make men out of our boys.