Tory-DUP rule may be the best for UK

Iwas busy explaining to a 23-year-old American girl named Jennifer why the election result was not a disaster. She is a Spectator reader and wants to work in England. She called the result the worst news since her father had abandoned her mother. I begged to differ. Actually, it was a far better result than it would have been had the Conservatives won a majority of 100, I told her. She gasped in disbelief.

Do not be alarmed. I have not taken LSD. No, I just read a piece in the New York Times by an ignoramus who said that Britain’s voyage to isolation is a consequence of the Brits not listening to people such as Heath and Wilson who took Britain into Europe.

I was pleased with the result mainly because I never trusted Saint Theresa but do trust the DUP. My other reason is that when lefties cry that plans to crack down on Islamic extremism raise worries about rights, I know that soft Conservatives will fold quicker than you can say ‘coward’. Not the DUP, however, whose enemies call it bigoted. Who wants the British to end up like the Americans, too scared to utter certain opinions about race and gender.

If there is a coalition between the Conservatives and DUP, we’ll have never had it so good. And now for more good news: the left-wing media in America have flown into a quasi-psychotic rage over Russian interference during the last election. The ignorant among us believe it to be true. Putin is now considered to be behind the Trump victory. In fact, the adjectives used against him are far worse than any used to describe the Führer before war was declared.

Never mind. My new buddy Oliver Stone has come to the rescue. It all started one night about ten years ago when my close friend Michael Mailer seated me near Oliver. Not only were the director and I not on speaking terms; I had publicly announced that if he ever crossed my path I’d hit him so hard he’d have to look up to tie his shoelaces. During an event honouring Norman Mailer, I stood up, faced Oliver Stone and told him that I had switched sides — after the Iraq disaster — and agreed with him on everything, including cheating on one’s wife (which he and I had always agreed on).

It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and I distinctly remember a dinner at Michael’s house when John Buffalo Mailer, who has often acted in Oliver’s films, and I first discussed going to Moscow. Well, we never got to Moscow and never got to see Putin, but Oliver Stone did and sold the story to Showtime. When asked by the newspaper that prints only the news it invents about Putin influencing the American election, Stone answered that Putin had no influence whatsoever, whereas Sheldon Adelson (a billionaire Las Vegas vulgarian), the Israeli government and the Koch brothers had power in DC.

So now I am in the enviable position of defending Oliver Stone, who smelled a rat about Iraq back before millions had become refugees. Now he tells the hysterical opposition to Trump that Russia played no role in his election, but few are listening. Why would they? The same people who perpe- trated the Iraq disaster are still in power, and they want to keep the war machine going. It’s money in the bank. Oh yes, I almost forgot, the latest Saudi obscenity — the sheer barbarism of its football team refusing to observe a minute’s silence for the victims of the London Bridge terrorist attack. (Most likely funded by the Saudis to begin with.) Next time you see any of those scumbags racing up and down Sloane Street, remember that obscenity, if nothing else. If we had a government with some cojones, the relevant Saudis, Qataris and Kuwaitis would be banned from merry old England. Let them eat their dates in Belgium or Luxembourg. By arrangement with

the Spectator