No sex without emotions, declare demisexuals
THE LATEST TERM IN THE BOUQUET OF IDENTIFYING ONE’S SEXUALITY IS “DEMI-SEXUAL”. BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
In the age of inclusivity and gender-neutrality, the discussion on expanding the sexuality spectrum has gained steam among millennials and Gen Z. From self-identifying as cis, trans, hetro, homo, bi, pan, poly, and/or non-binary, the gambit of sexuality knows no bounds anymore.
The latest term added to this bouquet of self-identification is “demi-sexual,” which essentially means people who only feel sexually attracted to someone when they have an emotional bond with the person. They can be gay, straight, bisexual, or pansexual, and have any gender identity. The prefix “demi” means half — which can refer to being halfway between sexual and asexual.
So, could this be the new cool that goes against the popular hook-up culture? We explore.
TAKE YOUR SWEET TIME
In a world full of dating apps that fuel easy and non-emotional sexual relationships, how challenging would it be to invest emotionally and be a demi-sexual
person?
Harpreet Mann, a 30year-old government professional, believes being demi-sexual makes more sense than meaningless relationships that fizzle in no time. “For me, love is pure and full of emotions. I relate to physical intimacy as an extension of love and loyalty and it can only happen with someone I deeply bond with. I am only physically attracted to someone if we know each other well, spend quality time, develop a deep sense of care, loyalty and be exclusive to each other in an old-fashioned way. I like to keep my love life personal, and deep emotional connection matters a lot to me to take it to next level in a relationship,” explains Harpreet.
The demi-sexual shares feelings of frustration, rejection and guilt while labelling and practising in a hook-up culture paradigm. Some of them may feel out of place, even when they hold sex-positive views. Cultural notions of gender may be stereotypical. Thus, to be an inclusively safe community, it is supreme to be
expansive
— SANJONI
SETHI, psychologist
NO JUDGMENTS
To learn about the demi-sexual, it is essential to step aside from stereotypical notions of categorised sexual orientations.
In fact, according to psychologist Sanjoni Sethi, sexual desire, arousal, sexual act and romantic experience or fantasies are closely associated concepts.
She remarks, “Culturally defined binary s tem is moving onto a broad spectrum. It wo be incorrect to scrutinise people as identify for a trend or assessing its practicality. T demi-sexual shares feelings of frustrati rejection and guilt while labelling and prac ing in a hook-up culture paradigm. Some them may feel out of place, even when they h sex-positive views. Cultural notions of gen may be stereotypical. Thus, to be an inclusiv safe community, it is supreme to be expans and welcoming to unique experiences, orien tions with which people identify across gen identities.”
EVOLUTIONARY LEGIT
Demi-sexuality to humans comes as a core c cept of evolution. Over thousands of yea we’ve moved from polygamy to monogamy o because of the bond that is established betw humans.
Dr Khizar Raoof, MD at Raoof ’s Uroca Hyderabad, feels that one-night stands or ho ups are easy but meaningless, while an em tional bond anchors a relationship. “Develop an emotional bond with your sexual partne as more important than the act itself. If ther no attachme then the act nothing but exchange goods. It’s natural for us be demi-sexu we just have new term for he states.
The doctor a points out that asexual relati ship can turn s ual although difficult for demi-sexual re tionship to tu asexual unl the partn chose not to in act any long “And it applies all genders,” a Dr Raoof.
Developing an emotional bond with
your sexual partner is as more important than the act
itself. If there’s no attachment, then the act is nothing but an exchange of goods. It’s but natural for us to be demi-sexual; we just
have a new term for it
— Dr Khizar Raoof, MD
Raoof’s Urocare