JETHRO BOVINGDON
People like us need a high-profile champion. Happily, Jethro has a plan
INEED A HERO. ALL OF US. WE ARE maligned and marginalised. Our passion is under threat and although many of us understand the complexities of loving performance cars in an age of sustainability and social responsibility, we are victims of stereotyping and objects of ridicule. We hide in the shadows, daring only to talk about manual gearboxes and tyre compounds and naturally aspirated engines amongst our closest friends. We need a hero? But who? Just last night it struck me like a giant glitterball to the skull. We need Chris Harris.
I was wiping my eyes at the time. The room had become a little dusty just as Rose Ayling-Ellis performed her Couple’s Choice on Strictly Come Dancing. The moment the music cut to silence was extraordinary: a window into her life – and that of millions of others – brought into our glitzy Saturday-night entertainment. An emotional sucker punch of stunning power. Rose is an inspiration not only to those in the deaf community but to anyone with a heart and blood pumping through their veins. Deafness, we now realise, doesn’t have to be a barrier to happiness or being fully engaged with friends and family. Rose describes being deaf as ‘a joy’.
Similarly, the powerful, tender performances of the all-male pairing of John Whaite and Johannes Radebe challenged preconceptions of a traditionally conservative audience and made the Strictly final a joyous and fabulously diverse occasion. The pandemic – should it ever end – won’t be remembered fondly, but perhaps it has at least made people realise what’s really important in life, allowed them to let go of prejudices and recognise that we’re all just trying to go about our own lives and be happy. What’s so bad about that?
Inspirational, joyous, powerful, tender… Who doesn’t think of Chris Harris when they read these words? I can add more. Elegant, statuesque, energetic, a man possessed of a relentlessly sunny disposition and, I don’t doubt, natural rhythm. To watch him dance on the pedals of a 911, caress the steering wheel with strong, hirsute forearms… It transcends mere driving. It’s a performance. Now imagine that silken coordination with added sequins, a spray tan and, perhaps, some subtle but effective Cuban heels. The campaign for Chris to join Strictly Come Dancing 2022 starts here. We need a voice. A champion. Somebody who can slip phrases like ‘negative camber’ and ‘slip angle’ into prime-time TV. You could say it’s Chris’s duty to join the show. To stand up and be counted. To convey our hopes, fears and dreams to a nation of people who inexplicably don’t love cars. To showcase the pain and expense of our passion. The sleepless nights on AutoTrader, eBay and PistonHeads looking at cars we can barely afford and definitely don’t need. Even worse, the insatiable need to improve the car you don’t need when you finally buy it.
Have your brakes ever exhibited fade on the road? Of course not. But you still bought those heinously expensive Pagid RS pads, didn’t you? Trackdays. Love the idea of them but then again do you want to push your pride and joy that hard? Probably not. But a half cage might be a good idea just in case. Unsprung mass! You have too much of it. You know you do. Better buy those forged rims. And titanium bolts. The constant cycle of spending, reaching for something faster and lighter and the inevitable self-loathing that follows. Who else but Chris can shine a light on these issues through the medium of a fleetfooted quickstep or heart-breaking waltz?
Think too of the businesses that would benefit. Trackday organisers, enthusiastic and independent garages with the right kind of stock, manufacturers of high quality components and wonderful cars and even the motoring media, including magazines like this one. Plus, suddenly we wouldn’t be the strange people at parties who gather in corners to share links to old rally clips or insanely committed laps of the Nürburgring. Other people might hear the word ‘Rubystone’ and understand. Chris could lead us out of the shadows and into the light. And I, for one, can’t wait to see him holding that Glitterball high – okay not that high – above his glistening head. A hero for our times and our cause.
I contacted Chris to comment on the subject of this column. Unfortunately his response wasn’t suitable for publication at this time. However, I think he’s wavering and direct messages to him @harrismonkey on Twitter could be effective.
I understand car enthusiasts are not really a repressed group. Nor is this column meant to make light of the incredible work done by Rose Ayling-Ellis or John Whaite in breaking down barriers and fighting for representation. However, I would love to see Chris with an intensely orange spray tan and a comically tight pair of trousers clumping around the dance floor on Saturday night TV. Plus, the inevitable punch-up between him and the judges would be gold. ⌧
The campaign for Chris Harris to join Strictly Come Dancing starts here