SPOILED CON­SE­QUENCES

Health & Nutrition - - PARENTING -

Many at­ti­tudes and ac­tions can un­der­mine the ef­fec­tive­ness of log­i­cal con­se­quences. Among them: Be­ing in­con­sis­tent. Teens need to know what to ex­pect. Try to be as con­sis­tent as pos­si­ble (no­body’s per­fect). Pi­ty­ing. Over­pro­tec­tive par­ents some­times feel sorry for their teenagers and let them off the hook. Em­pa­thy is OK, pity is not. Be­ing over con­cerned with what other peo­ple think. Other peo­ple are not your kids’ par­ents; you are. Talk­ing too much. The pur­pose of log­i­cal con­se­quences is to save your breath. Re­place talk with ac­tion. Don’t ar­gue, just fol­low through. Us­ing in­ap­pro­pri­ate tim­ing. It’s not a good idea to talk about con­se­quences in the heat of bat­tle. Ei­ther do it in ad­vance or wait un­til emo­tions have calmed down. Feel­ing and com­mu­ni­cat­ing hos­til­ity. If your at­ti­tude is harsh or su­pe­rior, your teen will re­gard the con­se­quence as pun­ish­ment. Hav­ing hid­den mo­tives. Log­i­cal con­se­quences are not tricks to get your kids to do what you want. Nor are they a way to get even with your teen. Play­ing de­tec­tive. When kids mis­be­have, do you con­duct an in­ves­ti­ga­tion to find the true guilty party? In most fam­i­lies, that’s im­pos­si­ble to do. Sib­lings like to blame each other and deny re­spon­si­bil­ity. Put them all in the same boat and make them all ac­cept the con­se­quence. They can work it out, and it will dis­cour­age ri­valry. Re­ject­ing the per­son in­stead of the act. If you com­mu­ni­cate that a bad act means the per­pe­tra­tor is a bad per­son, your teen may feel hope­less. How can a bad per­son do ‘any­thing’ good? A bet­ter re­sponse would be to say, “While I don’t like what you’ve done, I still love you.”

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