Empathy opens doors and minds, connects us

Empathy is one of the most important universal values. It’s defined as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another”. It may be inborn in some, but in most of us empathy needs to be cultivated and nurtured as any other skill.

Quite often, children don’t talk about unpleasant incidents experienced in childhood, especially those involving parents. It’s only by sheer accident that such situations come to the fore. One such incident surfaced during a family get-together recently.

It so happened that a few years ago, I was teaching in the same school as my two boys, who were in the middle school at that time. Three of us would go to school in the car but none of the boys would like to sit in the front passenger seat. Invariably, they would make me late in the morning and I would be in a foul mood. So the one seated in the navigator’s seat was within the radius of the swing of my arm. My palm could easily land on his cheek at the slightest provocation. In an act of self-preservation, they refused to sit in front.

In school, if a teacher arrived late, he/she had to go to the principal’s office to sign the attendance register. Three late arrivals amounted to deduction of a day’s salary. Now, with all this running in the back of my mind, we would rush to school. Sometimes, we would be late by a few seconds. It’s quite a struggle to earn so losing a day’s salary to something that’s avoidable is naturally irritating.

Due to lack of communication from both sides, neither the boys nor I got down to the cause of the perpetual discord in the morning and continued with our routines. I started looking forward to the time when the boys would go to school independently, while they formed the opinion that the parent should not be in the same school as the children as it hampers their “natural holistic growth”. The real reason for our discord remained unaddressed.

So recently when they were recounting their school days, the boys commented on my foul mood while going to school and how they rode through it with bated breath. Though shocked, I explained the reason. It was their turn to get surprised. Sheepishly, they admitted that they never realised that I had to go to the principal’s office whenever we were late. Today, in their grown-up avatars, they have realised what it means to go to the boss’s office for a lapse.

Since the cause was not addressed at that time, I had to change my school, particularly because the boys had been insistent.

Sometimes, small routine incidences can have much bigger consequences. Such situations are avoidable if we talk and understand each other’s perspectives. This is true for any relationship be it parentchild, boss-subordinate, husband-wife, two friends or colleagues. We need to be sensitive to each other. Well, this is what empathy is all about. What better time to uphold this value than in these tough times.

SUCH SITUATIONS ARE AVOIDABLE IF WE TALK AND UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER’S PERSPECTIVES. THIS IS TRUE FOR ANY RELATIONSHIP