The New Little Women
The Pednekar household of three strong, independent women is a fist bang on the nose of patriarchy
If Louisa May Alcott were alive and seeking inspiration for a modern spinoff on her classic, she needn’t look beyond the inimitable Pednekar trio. Award-winning actor Bhumi Pednekar, 32, her sister Samiksha, 28, a practising lawyer, and rally driving mom Sumitra Hooda Pednekar, 66, appear not just to lead the way as three strong independent women, but also rehash the traditional organisation of gender roles within a typical Indian family.
An all-women household of three (the Pednekar sisters unfortunately lost their father Satish Pednekar to cancer about a decade ago), Bhumi and Samiksha were brought up under the strong fostering wing of their Haryanvi mother who has never held back from living her life.
When asked about having had to take on what typically constitute ‘male responsibilities’ in her household as a single parent, Sumitra chuckles, “Be it dealing with carpenters, plumbers or financial matters, I’ve never thought of myself as a woman. Instead, I’ve always thought of my capabilities as a human being, even though I come from a patriarchal society (Haryana). Even marrying into a Maharashtrian family was revolutionary, but I did it.”
Her simple dogmas have already stood the sisters in good stead. “When you are three women living by yourselves, you have already learnt to tackle a lot of bias,” says Bhumi.
Samiksha adds: “But our mother has always shattered the glass ceiling on the typical societal views of what women are and how they should be.”
Known for the strong characters she chooses to play on-screen, Bhumi says her upbringing has definitely had a role to play in her choices. “We’re very strong-headed and yet nurturing independent women. My work portrays my upbringing, my ideology and what I believe in,” she says.
The two sisters’ sense of independence comes from growing up around strong women, from their mother to their aunt and “even the didi (help) in our house who helped bring us up,” says Bhumi. “She had to have had a lot of courage to be able to leave behind her own family and support another in order to make a living. Even this is independence.”
Quick to rubbish conformist notions of ‘hormonal’ women who can’t stick together under the same roof, Samiksha (amidst much laughter) reveals that the mother-daughters trio has scandalous debates every night instead on political and social issues. Even though things get heated, there is always some degree of learning that is appreciated, she adds.
“Arguments are healthy because they bring out the inner self,” says Sumitra humorously.
“Women are hormonal throughout the month and rightly so. But that doesn’t mean we lose our sensibilities. I think most men just don’t get it,” says Bhumi. Her small family, she adds, is “obnoxiously obsessed with each other. I can’t help but wonder how our future partners will struggle to find their own space with us,” she laughs.
{ BHUMI PEDNEKAR } ACTOR
“People don’t take ambition in a woman very seriously. I feel this is very strange”
“WHEN YOU ARE THREE WOMEN LIVING BY YOURSELVES, YOU HAVE ALREADY LEARNT TO TACKLE A LOT OF BIAS” —BHUMI PEDNEKAR
LOVE AND PARTNERS
Bhumi and Samiksha admit that their relationships have been questioned in the past because “it seems we love our careers a lot more than we loved that person”. “But we just moved on because that person was not the right fit for me and my ambition,” Bhumi explains.
Samiksha has come to the realisation that companionship takes precedence over a relationship. “You don’t really need someone from whichever sex you’re attracted to to feel like you have a companion. My mom and my sister are the best companions I can ever ask for. Companionship is anything that gives you happiness,” she says.
While marriage is not off the cards, it certainly doesn’t seem to hold too much priority in the Pednekar household.
Sumitra shares a memory of being asked about her expectations during an interview for the girls’ admissions in school. “I said I just want to make them good enough so that they are not a burden on society. For me their careers, their success, their social and financial standings, even at that time, were more important than marriage. This is how it is still. Marriage is their choice after they’re settled,” she states matter-of-factly.
“[THANKS TO OUR LATE FATHER], WE HAD THE PERCEPTION THAT GENDER DOES NOT DEFINE WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU CAN DO” —SAMIKSHA PEDNEKAR
Instead, ambition appears to fuel this woman-led household. “People don’t take ambition in a woman very seriously. I feel this is very strange,” says Bhumi. “I hear people say things like yeh toh bahut forward hai ,she will do anything to come up in her job. I have never heard people say these things about other men! But if it is a woman who is doing well, her work is never given credit. Society is scared of ambitious women. I even hear bizarre things like, oh you are too ambitious, how will you ever find a boy?”
Unsurprisingly, the sisters derive their getgo attitude from Sumitra, who has assumed many roles such as a rally driver and a paratrooper, save for that of a cook which she left to her (late) husband.
“There is this cliché of your mother being a good cook. Mine wasn’t,” laughs Bhumi. “I am sure my father romanticised having a good meal from his wife, which never happened. But these are the stereotypes we expect men to fit into, which my father never did.”
Her father’s self-adopted role as caretaker of the family shielded them from the patriarchal world, says Samiksha. “We had the perception that gender does not define who you are or what you can do,” she says.
The sisters share incidents about how he’d help through their (crampy) periods by pressing their legs and nurse them back to health when they were ill. “He would feed us every day with his hands literally,” remembers Bhumi. “He was also quite the disciplinarian, but he treated us like princesses. And it is because of this that our standards for choosing our own partners and living our lives are very high.”
LIKE FATHER LIKE DAUGHTER
If Sumitra steered her daughters to delineate their professional choices, Satish’s empathetic nature helped balance the equation, which inspired Bhumi to become a ‘Covid Warrior’.
“My father was always there for the people. I remember coming home from school and seeing 150 people from the slum next door attending a meeting conducted by my father to solve communal tension,” she remembers. “The pandemic gave me the opportunity to do my bit.”
Bhumi employed her social media network to provide people afflicted during the second wave with oxygen cylinders, hospital beds and plasma donations. Her team swelled from 3 to over 250 people within 72 hours.
“I was already living my dream, but with Covid Warrior I found the piece that was missing, and the experience is incredibly gratifying,” she says. “I remember receiving a video call from a pregnant Covid-positive patient who needed to deliver. She was so sick, we could barely talk. But she made a complete recovery and delivered a healthy baby. There are many such stories.”
Her supportive mother and sister are quick to praise her efforts during the second wave of the pandemic. “The first wave was (largely) consumed in eating,” chuckles Samiksha. “But Bhumi’s work during the second wave was immense and brought us all closer. On some days she slept for only a couple of hours.”
As I reluctantly steer the conversation to a close, Sumitra shares with me the values she expects her daughters and all other women to follow.
“Take responsibility for your choices without blaming others. And help whoever you can. That is what we have always done. Even my husband was like that, which is why we co-exist so beautifully.”