‘ALWAYS HOLD THE DRIVER BY THE NECK’
In 2011, I started dating a guy from my coaching class. In 2013, we fought and separated, but we used to talk and meet occasionally. Now, after knowing about his engagement, I have developed feelings for him again. Recently, he asked me if I love someone, I said ‘yes’, without naming the guy. Then, he said, “May be he also loved you, but waited for you for too long.” A week later, he said he couldn’t continue talking to me as it was ‘disturbing his relationship with his fiancée. Does he still love me? GA GA, first and foremost, let me wish you season’s greetings on the occasion of one of India’s premier festivals, Halloween. Secondly, I have solved your case, without even reading your question. Okay, that’s a load of rubbish, no one can solve a case without knowing the question. It’s clear he has feelings for you, otherwise why would he drop such a broad hint. However, since he’s engaged he’s suddenly realised what you mean to him, so he’s found himself in a tight spot. It’s similar to the feeling you get when you are a size ‘30’ waist, and you then wear a size ‘28’ waist? I feel you need to get his undivided attention, where you both come clean about each other. If he really loves you, why drag the third party onto the ‘Titanic’. Come clean both of you, it’s never too late.
A while back, I started talking to a guy on a dating site. We met at my place and it went really well.
We got to know each other. There was shyness (the cute kind) and smiling and butterflies. I felt all of this after so long. We even kissed. But since then, he hasn’t made the effort to meet, call or text me. When I asked him if he only wanted sex from me, he said he wants to be in a serious relationship (but he doesn’t act like he does), which I am not interested in. Are men really that deceptive and manipulative for sex? He’s so good with his words, but why isn’t there any effort to actually meet me. D D, first of, tell me about the butterflies. What kind were they, give me colour, texture, names. Oh, I see the butterflies are a metaphor. They aren’t really there. Now remember if he doesn’t call or text you, that’s a serious infringement of the lovers code, it’s worse than wearing spandex to one’s wedding. This holds true for men and butterflies. It’s not a question of whether he’s just interested in sex. It’s a question of how crazy he is about you. And inconsistency adds up to, ‘not very’ crazy. So please tell him, and yourself, as well as all butterflies in the immediate vicinity that he’s not gonna put in the hard yards, then he might as well be chasing a butterfly. Caring, wanting, searching, pining, these are a few of the things that see, to be missing. For me, he seems more like a caterpillar.
I’m a hardcore tomboy. I have never been in a relationship because I cannot imagine myself sitting on the pillion and holding the guy by the waist. I see myself riding the bike with my guy behind. Guys have even proposed to me because of studies and stuff. Am I missing out on something really special and important? SA
SA, but why do you have to hold the guy by the waist in the first place? Instead, follow what Kim ill Su, the South Korean World Champion pillion rider said. “Always hold driver by the neck, so you can control his speed”. Having said that, today tomboys as a species have almost wiped out. They are like left handers at Chess. Almost never seen. Please be proud of who you are. If you change personality for others to like you, then you are not being true to yourself. Of course, this rule does not apply to psychopaths, sociopaths, and chartered accountants. And yes, you are missing out on something if you are rejecting the idea of Romance. Romance is like a hot Dosa, once you taste it you’ll always want more whether you use samba or not, that’s another story. Here’s a list of tomboy’s who had great romances (a) That girl, (b) The chick from F.Y.J.C St. Xaviers, and (c) Her.
I am in love with my last year’s class teacher. I am the only student in her Facebook friends. She says that I am her favourite. She has even asked me to share my feelings with her. I don’t know if she loves me. If she does, how do I approach her? KD
KD, if someone asks you to share your feelings, it’s either an intimate relationship, or a rehearsal of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, Act III Scene II, (original edition rarely found). I don’t know how old you are, but if you are over 21, I suppose it’s not against the Law. The student teacher dynamic is two years old than the cat and dog relationship, and same age as the swimsuit model, old millionaire man in his 70’s dynamic who can answer if it will work. Just like my aunt’s airconditioner, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Actually the same can be said for my aunt. If you are of consenting age please explore it by all means. But do remember if there’s a messy break up, and she’s still your class teacher, than your education will hit the fan. Oh and happy Diwali to lovers united.