‘AL­WAYS HOLD THE DRIVER BY THE NECK’

Hindustan Times (Chandigarh) - City - - HTCITY LIFESTYLE - CYRUS BROACHA

In 2011, I started dat­ing a guy from my coach­ing class. In 2013, we fought and sep­a­rated, but we used to talk and meet oc­ca­sion­ally. Now, af­ter know­ing about his en­gage­ment, I have de­vel­oped feel­ings for him again. Re­cently, he asked me if I love some­one, I said ‘yes’, with­out nam­ing the guy. Then, he said, “May be he also loved you, but waited for you for too long.” A week later, he said he couldn’t con­tinue talk­ing to me as it was ‘dis­turb­ing his re­la­tion­ship with his fi­ancée. Does he still love me? GA GA, first and fore­most, let me wish you sea­son’s greet­ings on the oc­ca­sion of one of In­dia’s premier fes­ti­vals, Hal­loween. Se­condly, I have solved your case, with­out even read­ing your ques­tion. Okay, that’s a load of rub­bish, no one can solve a case with­out know­ing the ques­tion. It’s clear he has feel­ings for you, oth­er­wise why would he drop such a broad hint. How­ever, since he’s en­gaged he’s sud­denly re­alised what you mean to him, so he’s found him­self in a tight spot. It’s sim­i­lar to the feel­ing you get when you are a size ‘30’ waist, and you then wear a size ‘28’ waist? I feel you need to get his un­di­vided at­ten­tion, where you both come clean about each other. If he re­ally loves you, why drag the third party onto the ‘Ti­tanic’. Come clean both of you, it’s never too late.

A while back, I started talk­ing to a guy on a dat­ing site. We met at my place and it went re­ally well.

We got to know each other. There was shy­ness (the cute kind) and smil­ing and but­ter­flies. I felt all of this af­ter so long. We even kissed. But since then, he hasn’t made the ef­fort to meet, call or text me. When I asked him if he only wanted sex from me, he said he wants to be in a se­ri­ous re­la­tion­ship (but he doesn’t act like he does), which I am not in­ter­ested in. Are men re­ally that de­cep­tive and ma­nip­u­la­tive for sex? He’s so good with his words, but why isn’t there any ef­fort to ac­tu­ally meet me. D D, first of, tell me about the but­ter­flies. What kind were they, give me colour, tex­ture, names. Oh, I see the but­ter­flies are a metaphor. They aren’t re­ally there. Now re­mem­ber if he doesn’t call or text you, that’s a se­ri­ous in­fringe­ment of the lovers code, it’s worse than wear­ing span­dex to one’s wed­ding. This holds true for men and but­ter­flies. It’s not a ques­tion of whether he’s just in­ter­ested in sex. It’s a ques­tion of how crazy he is about you. And in­con­sis­tency adds up to, ‘not very’ crazy. So please tell him, and your­self, as well as all but­ter­flies in the im­me­di­ate vicin­ity that he’s not gonna put in the hard yards, then he might as well be chas­ing a but­ter­fly. Car­ing, want­ing, search­ing, pin­ing, th­ese are a few of the things that see, to be miss­ing. For me, he seems more like a cater­pil­lar.

I’m a hard­core tomboy. I have never been in a re­la­tion­ship be­cause I can­not imag­ine my­self sit­ting on the pil­lion and hold­ing the guy by the waist. I see my­self rid­ing the bike with my guy be­hind. Guys have even pro­posed to me be­cause of stud­ies and stuff. Am I miss­ing out on some­thing re­ally spe­cial and im­por­tant? SA

SA, but why do you have to hold the guy by the waist in the first place? In­stead, fol­low what Kim ill Su, the South Korean World Cham­pion pil­lion rider said. “Al­ways hold driver by the neck, so you can con­trol his speed”. Hav­ing said that, to­day tomboys as a species have al­most wiped out. They are like left han­ders at Chess. Al­most never seen. Please be proud of who you are. If you change per­son­al­ity for oth­ers to like you, then you are not be­ing true to your­self. Of course, this rule does not ap­ply to psy­chopaths, so­ciopaths, and char­tered ac­coun­tants. And yes, you are miss­ing out on some­thing if you are re­ject­ing the idea of Ro­mance. Ro­mance is like a hot Dosa, once you taste it you’ll al­ways want more whether you use samba or not, that’s an­other story. Here’s a list of tomboy’s who had great ro­mances (a) That girl, (b) The chick from F.Y.J.C St. Xaviers, and (c) Her.

I am in love with my last year’s class teacher. I am the only stu­dent in her Face­book friends. She says that I am her favourite. She has even asked me to share my feel­ings with her. I don’t know if she loves me. If she does, how do I ap­proach her? KD

KD, if some­one asks you to share your feel­ings, it’s ei­ther an in­ti­mate re­la­tion­ship, or a re­hearsal of Shake­speare’s Romeo and Juliet, Act III Scene II, (orig­i­nal edi­tion rarely found). I don’t know how old you are, but if you are over 21, I sup­pose it’s not against the Law. The stu­dent teacher dy­namic is two years old than the cat and dog re­la­tion­ship, and same age as the swim­suit model, old mil­lion­aire man in his 70’s dy­namic who can an­swer if it will work. Just like my aunt’s air­con­di­tioner, some­times it works, some­times it doesn’t. Ac­tu­ally the same can be said for my aunt. If you are of con­sent­ing age please ex­plore it by all means. But do re­mem­ber if there’s a messy break up, and she’s still your class teacher, than your ed­u­ca­tion will hit the fan. Oh and happy Di­wali to lovers united.

PHOTO: IS­TOCK; FOR REP­RE­SEN­TA­TIONAL PUR­POSES ONLY

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