‘Stop con­cen­trat­ing on la­bels and end re­sults’

Hindustan Times (Chandigarh) - City - - CITY | LIFESTYLE - CYRUS BROACHA

I have been in a re­la­tion­ship for eight years now and we are ready to tie the knot soon. How­ever, my part­ner wants me to pro­pose to her for­mally and I have no clue how to go about this. Can you help me with some tips, please?

—RP The philoso­pher, Cicero once dis­agreed with his sis­ter, Cicerce on her choice of clothes. Ap­par­ently, Cicerce wanted to wear Cicero’s clothes (keep in mind that in an­cient Rome, it was the men who wore skirts). My point is that, time changes per­cep­tion. RP, she wants you to pro­pose to her for­mally, so do it quickly, or you’ll be stuck wear­ing skirts. Now, a for­mal pro­posal means the whole nine yards. Dress in a suit or a Sher­wani, or­gan­ise a live band or at least an early round loser from In­dian Idol. Do all this in a fancy restau­rant. (A frankie stall and above qual­i­fies as fancy by the way). Also, have the fancy ring ap­pear out of a fancy dessert. And yes, please make sure you don’t eat the ring. Some­times, the stereo­type is true.

I met a girl dur­ing my col­lege and within the first 10 days of our aca­demic year, we were to­gether. It was later on that I re­alised that the girl only wanted me as a re­bound and was not se­ri­ous about the re­la­tion­ship. Though we are merely on talk­ing terms, I still feel I could get things work­ing be­tween us. What should I do?

— TS TS, this is all a bit con­fus­ing. She had you on the re­bound. And now, you want her back in your re­bound from her down­grad­ing you. Firstly, I think we need to put this whole ‘re­bound’ busi­ness, be­hind us. (Un­less, of course, you don’t like this an­swer, and you want to write to an­other news­pa­per on a re­bound). I keep say­ing this and now my throat is a hippo. (That’s a much worse ver­sion than the horse). Stop con­cen­trat­ing on la­bels and end re­sults. Build the base first. Get to know her. Get her to know you. Re­mem­ber what my chew said, “Be­fore you fly, you must buy tick­ets”. Learn to like and be liked. Love is a long way off. Chat, con­nect, hold dis­course, mes­sage and meet. It’s the same old for­mula. How­ever, this old rou­tine still works.

I have been in a re­la­tion­ship for the last three years and both of us want to speak at our re­spec­tive homes about us. How­ever, we are con­fused about how to say it. Our fam­i­lies are not too ortho­dox, but they are not that lib­eral ei­ther. How should we ap­proach our par­ents?

—AS AS, let’s look at the good side, the fam­i­lies are some­where in the mid­dle. In cui­sine, you’d say they are the chut­ney, in a chut­ney sand­wich. Mid­dle is good. You have a 50% chance of con­vinc­ing them. It’s the same chance I take when I try to find a place in a pub­lic uri­nal. The best tech­nique as ex­plained by Sharma and Sha­keel (they mar­ried against their par­ent’s wishes, but of course, had to wait for 377 to be struck down) is that don’t give ul­ti­ma­tums. Just drop a word here and there. In­tro­duce the el­ders to the idea in a step by step process. Make them feel that they are a part of the plan. Never say, “It’s my way or the high­way”. Now, this will take some time, so pa­tience and less ego are your weapons of choice. Plus, al­low them full de­ci­sion power in choos­ing the cater­ers.

I met a girl re­cently. It was not a meet­ing per se, but we both hap­pened to bump into each other at a restau­rant and have been friends since then. We gen­er­ally talk to each other over so­cial me­dia and are pretty com­fort­able while talk­ing to each other. I think I have feel­ings for her, but I am not re­ally sure if she feels the same way for me. What should I do? Also, would it be right to ask her con­tact num­ber di­rectly or should I wait for her to give it to me?

— GM GM, the good news is to­day a lot of peo­ple ro­mance over the in­ter­net. The bad news is, un­less you are pay­ing for it, you never are re­ally sure who the other per­son is. Of course, you’ve met her and you guys chat on­line, but keep in mind, an av­er­age 21-year-old, chats on­line with ap­prox­i­mately 157 peo­ple per day. So chat­ting, by it­self isn’t a def­i­nite, in your favour. You bet­ter chalk up a strat­egy like dis­cussing a par­tic­u­lar film that you like. Then you could sug­gest you both go and see the film. If she shows in­ter­est, all her de­tails will soon pop-up on your screen. If she finds ex­cuses for three con­sec­u­tive vis­its to the cin­ema, it’s time to go off­line.

PHOTO: IS­TOCK; FOR REPRESENTATIONAL PUR­POSE ONLY

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