‘Stop concentrating on labels and end results’
I have been in a relationship for eight years now and we are ready to tie the knot soon. However, my partner wants me to propose to her formally and I have no clue how to go about this. Can you help me with some tips, please?
—RP The philosopher, Cicero once disagreed with his sister, Cicerce on her choice of clothes. Apparently, Cicerce wanted to wear Cicero’s clothes (keep in mind that in ancient Rome, it was the men who wore skirts). My point is that, time changes perception. RP, she wants you to propose to her formally, so do it quickly, or you’ll be stuck wearing skirts. Now, a formal proposal means the whole nine yards. Dress in a suit or a Sherwani, organise a live band or at least an early round loser from Indian Idol. Do all this in a fancy restaurant. (A frankie stall and above qualifies as fancy by the way). Also, have the fancy ring appear out of a fancy dessert. And yes, please make sure you don’t eat the ring. Sometimes, the stereotype is true.
I met a girl during my college and within the first 10 days of our academic year, we were together. It was later on that I realised that the girl only wanted me as a rebound and was not serious about the relationship. Though we are merely on talking terms, I still feel I could get things working between us. What should I do?
— TS TS, this is all a bit confusing. She had you on the rebound. And now, you want her back in your rebound from her downgrading you. Firstly, I think we need to put this whole ‘rebound’ business, behind us. (Unless, of course, you don’t like this answer, and you want to write to another newspaper on a rebound). I keep saying this and now my throat is a hippo. (That’s a much worse version than the horse). Stop concentrating on labels and end results. Build the base first. Get to know her. Get her to know you. Remember what my chew said, “Before you fly, you must buy tickets”. Learn to like and be liked. Love is a long way off. Chat, connect, hold discourse, message and meet. It’s the same old formula. However, this old routine still works.
I have been in a relationship for the last three years and both of us want to speak at our respective homes about us. However, we are confused about how to say it. Our families are not too orthodox, but they are not that liberal either. How should we approach our parents?
—AS AS, let’s look at the good side, the families are somewhere in the middle. In cuisine, you’d say they are the chutney, in a chutney sandwich. Middle is good. You have a 50% chance of convincing them. It’s the same chance I take when I try to find a place in a public urinal. The best technique as explained by Sharma and Shakeel (they married against their parent’s wishes, but of course, had to wait for 377 to be struck down) is that don’t give ultimatums. Just drop a word here and there. Introduce the elders to the idea in a step by step process. Make them feel that they are a part of the plan. Never say, “It’s my way or the highway”. Now, this will take some time, so patience and less ego are your weapons of choice. Plus, allow them full decision power in choosing the caterers.
I met a girl recently. It was not a meeting per se, but we both happened to bump into each other at a restaurant and have been friends since then. We generally talk to each other over social media and are pretty comfortable while talking to each other. I think I have feelings for her, but I am not really sure if she feels the same way for me. What should I do? Also, would it be right to ask her contact number directly or should I wait for her to give it to me?
— GM GM, the good news is today a lot of people romance over the internet. The bad news is, unless you are paying for it, you never are really sure who the other person is. Of course, you’ve met her and you guys chat online, but keep in mind, an average 21-year-old, chats online with approximately 157 people per day. So chatting, by itself isn’t a definite, in your favour. You better chalk up a strategy like discussing a particular film that you like. Then you could suggest you both go and see the film. If she shows interest, all her details will soon pop-up on your screen. If she finds excuses for three consecutive visits to the cinema, it’s time to go offline.