HOW TO MOVE FORWARD

Finding it difficult to stop thinking about your ex post a breakup? Your situation could affect your present as well as future relationships

For most people, when they are in a loving relationship, everything seems smooth and rosy. But when your partner ends the relationship, it’s the beginning of a difficult phase. While some keep thinking about the times that they had spent with their partners, some also tend to feel that mentally, they are still with each other. Here, with the help of experts, we try to find out all about living in the past.

HOW DOES THINKING ABOUT YOUR EX AFFECT YOU?

If your partner has taken a decision to separate from you, for whatever reasons, one has to accept it and move on. Dr PD Lakdawala, psychiatrist, Bhatia Hospital, says that one has to be firm and try to forget the past. He says, “Thinking about your ex, all the time is like mourning a situation, which doesn’t serve a purpose.”

For many, these thoughts will constantly affect them, at least in the initial periods, post the breakup.

Aman Bhonsle, a relationship expert, says that these thoughts about your former partner affect you mentally as well as professionally. He says, “It’s same as the negative influence of a substance that you are addicted to. Once you give up a substance, its effects are felt for a while. So, in such cases, there will be grief, confusion and anger for a long time. And, if you haven’t created separate compartments mentally, you will find it difficult to focus at work. People see their partners as a huge motivation in life. So, there will be a loss of motivation, which is common after a breakup. Your professional space won’t be able to fill the vacuum created by your partner. And, this vacuum can create disturbances professionally.”

Lakdawala says that thoughts about an ex can make your life miserable. He says, “Many times, one tends to think about an ex and get upset. Your life gets affected psychologically and you are prone to develop various addictions such as alcoholism or smoking.”

AFFECTING YOUR PRESENT/FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS

Not being able to move on from your past relationships or being unable to control your thoughts about why the breakup happened can affect not only your present but your future relationships as well. Kavita Mungi, a mental health counsellor, says, “It is not easy to get over a relationship if one has invested a lot of emotions in it. It’s best to take some time off before jumping into a new one. And yes, the past can definitely affect the present relationship especially if one makes comparisons and doesn’t let go of the ex.”

As far as future relationships of people dealing with their past affairs are concerned, Lakdawala says, “Since, living in your past tends to make you unhappy, by the time you move into another relationship, you tend to have feel sad about a few bad situations you faced in your past.”

DEALING WITH YOUR PAST

In such cases, the person who is getting affected because of their past should think about a solution which will be constructive. Lakdawala says, “If you don’t find a solution for this situation, then it is just going to destroy you from within and affect your self-confidence. If someone has dumped you, it doesn’t mean that you are not good. Maybe the requirement of the other person was totally different from what you have. So, take this in a positive way and find someone who appreciates you the way you are.” Mungi says that keeping yourself occupied can also help. She says, “It may be difficult to avoid all the thoughts about your former partner but giving it time and keeping yourself busy will help. Try and focus more on work and routine. Try to meet interesting people from various walks of life. One has to make a conscious effort to take their mind off their past and move ahead.”

BEING IN TOUCH WITH YOUR EX

Finally, for people who find it difficult to move away from their past, it’s best if they maintain a distance from their ex. Relationship counsellor, Vishnu Modi says, “Meeting or talking to your ex will make it difficult to forget him/her. You will either feel very happy or sad while interacting with your ex. Happy because in your mind you are still not over this person. And, sad as you know he/she is out of your life. But post the interaction, once you come back to reality, your happiness will turn to sadness. Also, if your ex is an office colleague, try to change jobs if nothing works.”

Mungi adds, “The smartest thing to do is to try and keep some distance till it is possible to gain control of your emotions. So, whenever you are required to meet, try to do so in the company of a few common friends.”

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