THE MATCHMAKING DEBATE

The release of the second season of a reality show has reignited the age-old debate on the concept of matchmaking — and that of marriage in general — on social media. A Twitter user, for instance, wrote, “Indian Matchmaking promoting such orthodox belief systems via NRIs is so hard to digest.”

While some find the process of meeting someone through a matchmaker outdated, others think the institution of marriage itself is under scrutiny today. A report issued by the Ministry of Statistics and Programme Implementation found that the proportion of unmarried youth is on the rise. Earlier, the YouGov-Mint-CPR Millennial Survey of 2020 revealed that one in four young adults in India do not want to get married.

MATCHMAKING A BIG NO-NO

Though studies have shown that an increasing number of people don't want to marry, there are still those who aren’t averse to the idea. But, even to them, the message of compromise that the show propagates seems “regressive”. Design student Anirudh Dhiman, 22, says, “It’s like putting out some of the oldest sayings to the new generation, hoping to normalise something that needs to die.”

Dev Singh (name changed), 27, an educator who is facing pressure from his family to get married, tried the matchmaking process, but wasn’t impressed. “It was very regressive. The criteria mentioned by the matchmaker are things that we don’t even consider while dating. We don’t care if our partners are fair, can cook or are taller than us. It’s better to find someone on dating apps,” he opines.

‘MEANING OF MARRIAGE HAS CHANGED’

Marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo feels the new generation has a different idea of marriage: “Earlier, people used to marry to start a family or to please the society. But today’s generation is different. The youngsters mostly want to focus on their careers and marry only if they want to, or for love, not for any other reason. They do not give into stereotypes.”

MATCHMAKING MUCH LIKE DATING APPS

Not everyone is opposed to the concept of matchmaking. Some believe that it is just like a dating app — only with clearer intentions. Lawyer Karan Tripathi, 26, says, “I keep asking my friends to find someone for me. That’s a form of matchmaking. Dating apps do the same thing. In the process of matchmaking, the only difference is that the matchmaker takes the place of the algorithm, everything else is the same. But with a matchmaker, the intentions are clearly stated as there is no buffet syndrome like in dating apps, which provide endless choices and might dissipate our focus.”

In fact, lawyer Abhishek Vats, 24, believes that the show’s emphasis on “compromise” need not always be problematic: “We need to realise that our endless demands won’t be met. There’s beauty in adjusting and in willing to make it work. That’s what we are missing today. We are all so wrapped up in what we think we deserve or what our partner should be like, that we forget to do our internal work, introspect and grow, which is far more important for a successful marriage.”