Learning the ropes of WhatsApp diplomacy
As I begin to write this piece in the Notes of my phone, I struggle to swipe away the dingding of WhatsApp messages lest the train of thought derails. The number of WhatsApp messages is directly proportional to the number of groups one is embroiled in. Greater the number of affiliations, greater the dingding intensity. It’s simple math!
I was a reluctant participant on WhatsApp, initially. It was a tectonic shift from the iconic texting via the Blackberry messenger. The exclusivity was that only Blackberry phone holders could text each other. However, WhatsApp worked on all phones so it engulfed the Blackberry. It was quite the leveller. Blackberry phone or not, now literally everyone is just one text away. Parents, siblings, grandparents, siblings’ spouses, friends, friends of siblings, cousins -- you name it, we were all on the same platform.
Everything was hunky dory till a wise one felt the need to connect on WhatsApp as a group. Logistically, of course it made sense. Announcing the baby’s first toothless picture in one family group, rather than buaji, tauji, chachaji, mausi separately, one big family group made life far easier. Similarly, having a college reunion group made it far simpler to stalk people one didn’t necessarily want to communicate with. Their display pictures gave a fulfilling peek into their personal lives. “Kids already!”, “Still single”, “Same picture for years. Too secretive or too boring”, these deductions were the result of the few hundred pixels next to the name of the person on WhatsApp.
Then there came the work group. Irrespective of whether this bunch genuinely wanted to interact after 5pm or not, work-people too had their own WhatsApp group! Intriguingly, souls have no notion of time on WhatsApp. They will continue to send jokes bereft of humour, and you will have to continue to respond based on your subordination level.
There also exist enthusiastic groups run by entrepreneurs. More often than not, there’s only one enthusiastic person, the entrepreneur himself armed with a thousand jewellery/clothing/ crockery/whatnot designs. He will share pictures of all of them, all at once, each day religiously. Without you knowing, he will guzzle phone space as you wonder in horror how the phone memory got full!
Over the last few months, my affiliations have grown, and as a result the WhatsApp activity and ding-dings have considerably increased. I have managed to get entangled in groups within groups. I wouldn’t deny though that these WhatsApp groups have been a lifeline during the grim times.
Besides giving a constant barrage of information and providing social connectivity, these groups teach crucial diplomacy lessons. Allow me the liberty of doling out some recently acquired gems.
One, you cannot choose to reply to one person in the group and ignore others. Either you instantly reply to each member, or you maintain stoic silence. At worst, they’ll think you’re snooty. At best, they’ll accuse you of being too busy.
Two, if your political leanings are different from the others in the group, no amount of videshi articles, cumbersome journals or persuasive videos can change the mind of others. So, limit yourself to sending only a subtle text once in a while, only as a reminder that you are your own person despite the common last name. Three, always adhere to diplomacy protocol in WhatsApp groups. What you say to a person over the phone has to be layered and sugar-coated when written in a group. So, authenticity is a no-no.
Four, there is no escape. You cannot exit a group without bruising a few hearts. Hence, brace yourself for this asphyxiating labyrinth of texting. At best, it’ll improve your writing skills. At worst, it’ll teach you a thing or two about diplomacy. Quite rarely, it’ll give you an opportunity to write a piece about WhatsApp diplomacy!
WHATSAPP GROUPS, BESIDES GIVING A CONSTANT BARRAGE OF INFORMATION AND PROVIDING SOCIAL CONNECTIVITY, ALSO TEACH CRUCIAL DIPLOMACY LESSONS