WARM UP TO THE NEW DATING TERMS

Here’s how to deal with these scaries

Has your Tinder date completely started ignoring your texts? Or are you being suddenly bombarded with mushy vacation plans? The dating behaviour from our partner we experience could range from being overly obsessive to being downright indifferent. Here’s the low-down on some of the newest dating terms and how to confront them with tips from some of the seasoned counsellors.

ZOMBIE-ING

They say once bitten twice shy, but what if you have ever been ghosted not once, but twice by the same individual? If that’s the case then you’re possibly zombied. The term denotes that when someone ghosts you at the outset, then comes back to life, reignites a flurry of dates and dinners, only to ghost you again.

Coping mechanism:

It starts making you question yourself, your self respect and self esteem. Try and understand that there’s a pattern being played out by one partner and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Also, understand that there’s something about you which is bringing the partner back to you.

ROACHING

Roaching occurs when the individual you’ve been seeing on a regular basis (often for a few months) is shielding the information that they’ve been going out with other people. And what’s worse? When you discover it and confront them, they claim that they didn’t realise you were in a monogamous relationship.

Interestingly, the term roaching is derived from the theory that whenever you see one cockroach, there are several more that you’re not seeing.

Coping mechanism: LOVE BOMBING Coping mechanism:

It’s

imperative to make the partner understand your perspective. If they understand what you expect and are willing to bring about a change then nothing like it. However, do not end a relationship based on one misunderstanding. You could adjust or move apart as you have to look at it from a long term perspective.

This love affair starts off on a vibrant start–everything is mushy–from the decadent dinners to the long chats you have. Your partner brings up talk of getaways, buys you presents, and this continues for some time. And then... love flies out of the window. This is when you get ‘love bombed’.

It’s a hard one to deal. The suddenness of this situation will make it far more difficult to manage. Don’t be self critical. Someone being a lot involved initially and then abruptly withdrawing is representative of what’s happening with them.

SOFT GHOSTING

As opposed to the traditional ghosting which involves a person disappearing without a trace, ‘soft ghosting’ is the act of simply ‘liking’ your text instead of actually sending out a reply.

Coping mechanism:

People sometimes don’t overly interact because they want to keep their options open. If you don’t want to be that option then call the person out and get your point across. Such individuals are emotional abusers.

SLOW FADE

Are the texts, calls, dates and DMs from your partner petering out? This is when you know you’re being slow faded.

Coping mechanism:

Possibly, they may not have the time to reply to your text or they may want to break up or it could be a mismatch. Meet the person face to face and call him or her out. Perhaps give them a month-long cooling period and then step away.

(With inputs from clinical psychologists Kamna Chibber and Priyanka Verma)

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