MANIFESTOS ARE MERELY STORIES FOR THE MEDIA
Manifestos are a unique literary genre closely allied to fairy tales. Which party manifesto is the best? I highlight below the most important points of some election manifestos.
The Congress: most humorous manifesto
Written in a tongue-firmly-in-cheek style, its deadpan humour is hilarious. Sample this line: ‘Continuing our record of delivering India’s highest growth rates, we will restore India to 8% plus growth rate within three years’. If that’s not enough to make you roll around mirthfully on the floor, next comes the punchline ‘we will ensure a 10% growth rate in the manufacturing sector.’ But the real sidesplitter is this gem: ‘We will continue to take firm action to control inflation.’
AAP: a rather repetitive style
Want to bring down inflation? End corruption. Higher growth? End corruption. Excel in sports? End corruption. Want to grow more potatoes? End corruption. I’m not sure about the last one, but you get the picture.
The party has, however, made one egregious error, with these terrifying lines: ‘Gram Sabhas (or mohalla sabhas) would have the right to decide if a liquor shop can be opened in their village/mohalla. They would also have the authority to shut down a liquor shop in the village/mohalla.’ At one stroke, the party has lost the boozer vote. But don’t over-react — a couple of bottles of single malt to those village/ mohalla sabhas should do the trick. BJP: admirably alliterative Sample this: ‘We represent an economy of deficits, a work culture of delays and an asset base of defi-
WHILE THE CONGRESS’ MANIFESTO IS HUMOROUS, AAP’S AND THE BJP’S ARE REPETITIVE
ciency.’ (‘We’ here means the country, not the BJP); ‘India is blessed with…. Democracy, Demography and Demand.’ They left out demigods and demented demagogues. There are three Fs — Functions, Functionaries and Funds and five Ts — Tradition, Talent, Tourism, Trade and Technology. There’s also the PPPP (people-publicprivate partnership) model. And this rather mystifying alliterative message: ‘External Security: its Boundary, Beauty and Bounty.’ DMK: mystical manifesto The document speaks of: ‘the cautionary words written by Arignar Anna, ‘Dangerous ideas in the minds of the jobless on the sides of roads; that’s the sign of time’.’ Very deep, probably post-modern. AIADMK: most lyrical manifesto Here goes: ‘Puratchi Thalaivar MGR, a leader non-pareil of the Tamil people, a great soul whose memory reigns eternal long after his demise, eighth in the line of great immortal and munificent leaders, who resides to this day in the hearts of the poor, the very embodiment of humanism, a shining diamond amongst humans, the apotheoses of golden hearted generosity, the Apple of Perarignar Anna’s eye….’. We also have poetry, from no less than Thiruvalluvar, ‘The learned alone have eyes on face/The ignorant two sores of disgrace.’
For less poetic voters, the news that ‘so far, 34,687 cows and 15,93,168 goats have been distributed’ should help. CPI(M): petty bourgeois manifesto Where are the references to capitalist running dogs, to imperialist paper tigers, to chauvinist reactionary hegemonism? What happened to the class war, the dictatorship of the proletariat, the people’s revolution? YSR Congress: the prize for clarity It says, ‘The agenda of the YSR Congress Party is clear. We promise to bring back the golden era to the people who are eagerly awaiting it.’ NCP: the unvarnished truth The web address of its manifesto is: http://www.ncp.org.in/stories/ formedia/1026/title/ELECTIONMANIFESTO, admitting upfront that manifestos are, after all, merely stories for the media.