KISSING UP A STORM

The Kiss of Love protest against moral policing has turned the spotlight on India’s unease with public displays of affection

In Jhumpa Lahiri’s Namesake, protagonist Gogol Ganguli is struck by the difference between the marriages of his parents and that of his American girlfriend. In all his life, “he has never witnessed a single moment of physical affection between his parents”. Maxine’s parents kiss openly. That absence of physical displays of affection is one of the many things that Gogol would have to come to terms with in his journey to traverse the difference between the Indian culture of his family and the American way of life around him. Gogol’s parents were married in the 1960s, when most Indian couples would not even address their partners by name, so perhaps their attitudes were in keeping with the times. But India has changed vastly in the last couple of decades, and Liberalisation ensured that it cast aside its old socialism to embark on the path to high growth. This has meant a huge change in lifestyles for many who can’t imagine what life must have been like without malls and multiplexes. This great change in the economic outlook of the Indian middle class hasn’t meant a concomitant broadening of outlook or a jettisoning of older taboos. The outrage against couples who choose to publicly express their affection for each other highlights India’s enduring discomfort with the subject.

“In Indian culture, public display of affection has always been seen as superfluous, as a sign of hypocrisy. In joint families in the past, it would be customary for the head of the family to not show any outward signs of affection for his own children because all children in the family were expected to be equal to him. Our stand on public display of affection is somewhat akin to Victorian English morality where flaunting of emotions was frowned upon,” explains psychologist and sociologist Ashis Nandy.

This need to keep genuine feeling hidden away led to some curious consequences in our cinema with the development of an entire allegorical vocabulary to suggest sexual attraction and consumation. Nodding flowers and cooing birds were acceptable visual shorthand for intimacy between the lead couple in most Indian films of the 1960s and 70s. This prudery is puzzling considering that Seeta Devi kissed Charu Roy lustily in A Throw of Dice in 1929 and Devika Rani kissed her real-life husband Himanshu Rai for four long minutes in Karma (1933), much before ‘serial kisser’ Emraan Hashmi was born. Few know that it was only with the Cinematograph Act of 1952 that sensuality gave way to conservatism. “The current trend of showing affection is an imitation of the American way of life and more visible among the upwardly mobile section of society,” points out Nandy. Most would draw the line at holding hands, hugging or an affectionate kiss. “I don’t want to see people getting turned on in front of me. But the moral policing against public display of affection shows a dog-in-the-manger attitude,” insists writer Anuja Chauhan. Writer Ravinder Singh agrees. “I would like to encourage people to express love. There is so much of hatred around us today. Public display of affection can only add warmth to society,” he says.

The Valentines-Day opposing, jeansclad-women targeting right-wing orthodox groups don’t agree. “Only animals of a certain kind display affection in public and then it is not affection, but something else,” says Vishwa Hindu Parishad secretary general, Champat Rai.

Tired of increasing cases of moral policing, young people in Kochi recently retaliated with the ‘Kiss of Love’ protest, where they met to display affection in public. The idea caught on and spread to college in university campuses in Kolkata and New Delhi and others are joining in. “It’s not simply about public display of affection. There has been a series of attacks on one’s access to public spaces and one’s right to choose how one wants to live one’s life. There have been repeated mention of love jihad and protest against inter-caste marriages. We wanted to connect all these issues in our protest. We had the support not just of the youth, but also parents, lawyers and activists,” says 26-year-old Pankhuri Zaheer, an M.Phil scholar at New Delhi’s Jawaharlal Nehru University. Expectedly, the protest triggered a counter-attack from conservatives and the community’s Facebook page attracted vicious attacks.

The opposition was not just from the religiously conservative over-60s brigade. Both in the physical as well as the virtual space, ‘Kiss of Love’ protesters faced a backlash from a section of their own generation. “These young people must know in their hearts that there is nothing wrong with a public show of affection. But they are politically motivated,” says Singh.

For older people unexposed to cosmopolitanism and unused to even looking at or addressing a spouse by name in front of family, the discomfort caused by the sight of children or grandchildren openly expressing their affection for members of the opposite sex is understandable. “There is definitely a clash of mind sets. The good thing is that many young people who are travelling to cities from smaller towns are learning to question set thought patterns and accept the change,” says Singh. While people are generally more liberal in urban areas, even within the metropolitan space, levels of acceptance vary across localities.

“It’s like how I tell my college-going daughters that it’s OK to wear shorts if they are going to Select City Walk mall but not if they are travelling by the metro. We have created these safe spaces in our minds,” points out Chauhan. Even closed spaces, however, present a possibility of change.

“A conservative Indian family too is keen to send its children to the West to study and work. Wouldn’t they be more open to global cultural influences,” questions Singh. The answer would perhaps be in the negative. Think Namastey London. Indian family migrates to the West but wants desi damad (Indian son-in-law) and Bharatiya sanskriti for daughter.

Legal loopholes add to the lovers’ trauma. Section 294 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC) states that “whoever, to the annoyance of others, a) does any obscene act in any public place, or b) sings, recites or utters any obscene songs, ballad or word, in or near any public place, shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to three months, or with fine, or with both.” However, there is no clear definition of what is obscene. The section is often used by both the radical-minded as well as the cops to target couples. Harassment ranges from physical and verbal assault to threats of arrest and demands for money. In 2007, actor Richard Gere sparked controversy after kissing Shilpa Shetty at a function. While some asked for Gere’s arrest, the Supreme Court had at the time come to his rescue and decided that “no case is made out” in this regard. PDA being still not that common in India, there is the fear of voyuers capturing an innocent expression of affection on their mobile cameras and putting it online to titillate others.

The world loves a lover, it is said. In India it comes with a ‘conditions apply’ : only as long as the lovers manage to hide their feelings from the eyes of our morally upright masses, like a secret too shameful to be revealed.