Blessing the bride and the bridegroom

TO SHOWER BLESSINGS ON THE NEWLYWEDS IN CASH OR KIND IS PERHAPS AS OLD AS THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE. MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, IT IS A GESTURE; A SYMBOL OF LOVE AND AFFECTION

“A rey baba (Oh God)! I will go bankrupt. Four weddings in a month.” This was Mrs Banerji’s reaction at a party at my house. I failed to understand the connection between weddings and bankruptcy.

“You know four multiplied by₹1,100 makes it ₹4,400. That’s a big sum,” she said.

I was amused and intrigued — amused at her innocent use of hyperbole, and intrigued by her irritation reflected therein.

Giving, we know, is either preceded or followed by receiving.

One way or the other, it is reciprocal.

Then why grumble? To shower blessings on the newlyweds in cash or kind is perhaps as old as the institution of marriage.

It has stood the test of time and has survived so long that it has obtained timelessness. More than anything else, it is a gesture; a symbol of love and affection.

In fact, it’s the spirit of sharing that underlies this timehonoured tradition. Not only do we like to partake of joy and jubilation, also we love to share the stress and strain of our near and dear ones.

In good old days, at certain places even now, each family of village or community contributed wheat, rice, sugar, milk etc. to cater to the marriage party.

It was a manifestation of unity and solidarity.

Likewise, friends and relatives joined hands with the parents concerned in their attempt to facilitate the newlyweds in raising their own unit by giving them money as gift.

Nowadays people, especially in foreign countries, are frank enough to ask for money in lieu of gift.

A note such as “If for our wedding you’d like to bring us a gift/A cheque or cash would give us a lift” is tagged onto the invite itself.

Whether this persuasive plain-speaking or flat-footed forthrightness is appreciable or not, is difficult to decide.

We would agree that although nobody counts on gift money, it usually does constitute a considerable amount and can be of substantial help.

I always cherish the gift money received on my son’s marriage as it turned out to be a cash bonanza.

Fondly, I felt that the practice of giving gift in cash is no less than a recurring deposit scheme under which one pays periodical instalments, and gets a substantial amount when it is needed the most.

It is surprising, then, that howsoever lavish we may be in spending, when the question of giving money in gift comes, we become much sparing and calculating.

Invariably, we try to recall the amount given to us and feel comfortable only in keeping the score. And the delight of giving and receiving is lost in the process.

As goes a rhyming couplet: “Others’ gift, by ours, we measure/Thereby lose its charm and pleasure.”

The real bliss lies in giving and receiving alone. As the Biblical proverb pronounced: “He who giveth; and the one who taketh: A blissful duo they maketh.”