Art of positive parenting, science of making it work
Parenting, I’ve learnt, can’t really be learnt fully. It’s a process, and a never-ending evolution with every child. The tenet behind positive parenting, a concept in vogue in the realm of psychology, is that children are not bad, but it’s their behaviour that can be bad. This theory has to be made the basis for any dealing with youngsters.
I know of a kid who was brought up in a hostel. He had never seen how dough is kneaded to make chapattis. Once when he was home, he chanced upon his mother kneading dough with her hands. He felt a strong repulsion and refused to eat chapattis! It’s unexpected, but not entirely wrong when the situation is considered in context i.e. it was the first time that the child got exposed to that basic step of cooking.
Children need to do, to be involved, and, to use their hands more often than our present lifestyle allows. So, if and when gardening, involve them. When cleaning, involve them. Two kids, assign equal yet age-appropriate duties. The experiences will make them sentient of groundwork for eventual success in life. It can also begin to get inculcated when we share with children how even their basic toilet requirements as a baby were taken care of by adults.
Secondly, it’s also advisable to share with kids the financial and household budget limitations. Don’t lament lack of funds to them but genuinely letting them know that certain items are not affordable at a given point of time is recommendable.
Thirdly, to assume that they will understand everything we tell them is to err often. Children learn by watching, observing and emulating. We are their role models, whether or not they are able to make us feel that way.
Taking the whole discussion to the next level, if we keep putting in efforts, things fall in place like a jigsaw puzzle, with the passage of time. When we start on a way, keeping a bull’s eye in view, unseen and unexpected forces start helping us. The universe conspires indeed.
A woman I knew sold her jewelry to help her husband start a business. Years later when the business was thriving, he took her to a jewellery shop and let her buy jewellery of her choice. She hadn’t ever complained or regretted about the selling of the jewellery yet felt warm and pampered with her husband’s gesture. Even if a chance is missed, life usually does come around a full circle and present us with resembling opportunities, provided we hang in there.
Balancing pressure and leniency go a long way. However, not just for parenting, but for life, there is no foolproof mantra, one learns along the way. It pays to listen to the intuitive voice, too, while we pragmatically follow various measures. Tell young ones to contribute to society, in whatever way they can. This will enhance their self-esteem. Plus, in a consumerist world, we direly need people who understand happiness in its true essence, and act accordingly.
Last but not the least, keep channels of communication open. As goes a thought that does rounds on WhatsApp, “If we do not listen to our kids’ little things now, they won’t tell us the big things later.”
CHILDREN NEED TO DO, TO BE INVOLVED, AND, TO USE THEIR HANDS MORE OFTEN THAN OUR PRESENT LIFESTYLE ALLOWS