Butterflies are a metaphor! They aren’t really there
In 2011, I started dating a guy from my coaching class. In 2013, we fought and separated, but used to talk and meet occasionally. Now, after knowing about his engagement, I have developed feelings for him again. He recently asked me if I love someone. I said ‘yes’, without naming the guy. Then, he said, “Maybe he also loved you, but waited for you for too long”. A week later, he said he couldn’t continue talking to me as it was disturbing his relationship with his fiancée. Does he still love me? GA
GA, first and foremost, let me wish you season’s greetings on the occasion of one of India’s premier festivals, Halloween. Secondly, it’s clear he has feelings for you, otherwise why would he drop such a broad hint. However, since he’s engaged he’s suddenly realised what you mean to him, so he has found himself in a tight spot. It’s similar to the feeling you get when you are a size ‘30’ waist, and you then wear a size ‘28’ waist. I feel you need to get his undivided attention, where you both come clean about each other. If he really loves you, why drag the third party onto the ‘Titanic’.
A while back, I started talking to a guy on a dating site. We met at my place and it went really well. There was shyness (the cute kind) and smiling and butterflies. I felt all of this after so long. We even kissed. But since then, he hasn’t made the effort to meet, call or text me. When I asked him if he only wanted sex from me, he said he wants to be in a serious relationship (but he doesn’t act like he does), which I am not interested in. Are men really that deceptive and manipulative for sex? He’s so good with his words, but why isn’t there any effort to actually meet me?
D, first of all, tell me about the butterflies. Give me colour, texture, names. Oh, I see the butterflies are a metaphor. Now, remember if he doesn’t call or text you, that’s a serious infringement of the lovers’ code; it’s worse than wearing spandex to one’s wedding. It’s not a question of whether he’s just interested in sex. It’s a question of how crazy he is about you. And the inconsistency adds up to, ‘not very’ crazy. So please tell him, and yourself, as well as all butterflies in the immediate vicinity that if he’s not gonna put in the hard yards, then he might as well be chasing a butterfly.
I am in love with my last year’s class teacher. I am the only student in her Facebook friends. She says that I am her favourite. She has even asked me to share my feelings with her. I don’t know if she loves me. How do I approach her?
KD, if someone asks you to share your feelings, it’s either an intimate relationship or a rehearsal of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, Act III Scene II. If you’re over 21, I suppose it’s not against the law. Just like my aunt’s air conditioner, sometimes the studentteacher dynamic works, sometimes it doesn’t. If you are of consenting age, please explore it by all means. But remember, if there’s a messy breakup, and she’s still your teacher, then your education will hit the fan. Happy Diwali!