But­ter­flies are a metaphor! They aren’t re­ally there


Hindustan Times (Patna) - Live - - LIFESTYLE - CYRUS BROACHA D

In 2011, I started dat­ing a guy from my coach­ing class. In 2013, we fought and sep­a­rated, but used to talk and meet oc­ca­sion­ally. Now, af­ter know­ing about his en­gage­ment, I have de­vel­oped feel­ings for him again. He re­cently asked me if I love some­one. I said ‘yes’, with­out nam­ing the guy. Then, he said, “Maybe he also loved you, but waited for you for too long”. A week later, he said he couldn’t con­tinue talk­ing to me as it was dis­turb­ing his re­la­tion­ship with his fi­ancée. Does he still love me? GA

GA, first and fore­most, let me wish you sea­son’s greet­ings on the oc­ca­sion of one of In­dia’s premier fes­ti­vals, Hal­loween. Se­condly, it’s clear he has feel­ings for you, oth­er­wise why would he drop such a broad hint. How­ever, since he’s en­gaged he’s sud­denly re­alised what you mean to him, so he has found him­self in a tight spot. It’s sim­i­lar to the feel­ing you get when you are a size ‘30’ waist, and you then wear a size ‘28’ waist. I feel you need to get his un­di­vided at­ten­tion, where you both come clean about each other. If he re­ally loves you, why drag the third party onto the ‘Ti­tanic’.

A while back, I started talk­ing to a guy on a dat­ing site. We met at my place and it went re­ally well. There was shy­ness (the cute kind) and smil­ing and but­ter­flies. I felt all of this af­ter so long. We even kissed. But since then, he hasn’t made the ef­fort to meet, call or text me. When I asked him if he only wanted sex from me, he said he wants to be in a se­ri­ous re­la­tion­ship (but he doesn’t act like he does), which I am not in­ter­ested in. Are men re­ally that de­cep­tive and ma­nip­u­la­tive for sex? He’s so good with his words, but why isn’t there any ef­fort to ac­tu­ally meet me?

D, first of all, tell me about the but­ter­flies. Give me colour, tex­ture, names. Oh, I see the but­ter­flies are a metaphor. Now, re­mem­ber if he doesn’t call or text you, that’s a se­ri­ous in­fringe­ment of the lovers’ code; it’s worse than wear­ing span­dex to one’s wed­ding. It’s not a ques­tion of whether he’s just in­ter­ested in sex. It’s a ques­tion of how crazy he is about you. And the in­con­sis­tency adds up to, ‘not very’ crazy. So please tell him, and your­self, as well as all but­ter­flies in the im­me­di­ate vicin­ity that if he’s not gonna put in the hard yards, then he might as well be chas­ing a but­ter­fly.

I am in love with my last year’s class teacher. I am the only stu­dent in her Face­book friends. She says that I am her favourite. She has even asked me to share my feel­ings with her. I don’t know if she loves me. How do I ap­proach her?


KD, if some­one asks you to share your feel­ings, it’s ei­ther an in­ti­mate re­la­tion­ship or a re­hearsal of Shake­speare’s Romeo and Juliet, Act III Scene II. If you’re over 21, I sup­pose it’s not against the law. Just like my aunt’s air con­di­tioner, some­times the stu­dent­teacher dy­namic works, some­times it doesn’t. If you are of con­sent­ing age, please ex­plore it by all means. But re­mem­ber, if there’s a messy breakup, and she’s still your teacher, then your ed­u­ca­tion will hit the fan. Happy Di­wali!

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