SERIOUSLY CYRUS

FP

FP, when you notice each other simultaneously, what happens to your walk? More importantly, what happens to his walk? Does he walk faster? Does he stumble? Does he turn around and walk in the opposite direction? Does he walk around in circles? Does he raise one leg and hop? The change in his walk will tell you that you are affecting him. If his walk is unaffected that means, there’s no real interest. Walks are very strong indicators of romantic interest. That is why the famous Chinese Paraplegic poet Ching So Far wrote the immortal verse, “Love is in thy Feet”. If you are convinced about his walk, how about waving to him? You can do this while still walking, as you don’t need your waving arm to walk with. Please initiate the conversation next. The rest of his body will follow his feet.

I am a 27-year-old man. I was dating a woman for the past two years. However, she recently ended the relationship and did not mention or give any reason to do so. How should I approach her to ask her why did she choose to suddenly end the relationship? RK

RK, the answer you seek is contained in the Opera by Mozart called Le Nozze Di Figaro. However you’ll need three hours, and a pair of good speakers to listen to it; I’ll try and shorten the experience. My question to you is why do you need to know? Put it in perspective, 25 years from now how will it have mattered? People tell you, “You deserve a reason at least na”. I say dare to be different. Why do you need to know? She’s gone. If she says she left because of your underarm stains, it’s not like she’d return if you rectified that about yourself. Stop feeling bad, and let her go. She doesn’t deserve the extra ‘bhav’, so stop giving it to her, please.

I am a 25-year-old guy. I have a serious admiration for a senior at work. We generally speak at the office and she has mentioned that she is single but would want to settle down soon. I am confused if I should take this forward and confess my feelings or should I just move on? Please help. VK

VK, King Ritu Raj, the 27th of the Magadh Empire (he invented the picnic basket), was an amateur architect. And I stress on amateur. He famously built his palace roof first, without any base below. He insisted it was a good idea, and blamed weather conditions for the death of 3,000 labourers by his planning. You are behaving exactly like him. You are in a hurry to build a roof, but where’s your base? Stop this ‘feeling-sheeling’ nonsense. You are at step 1. Chatting at the office. Office can be very boring; without the availability of chats, no one would even bother coming to work. You are still getting to know each other. Let her confide in you, but enjoy the stage. Build a base; show King Rituraj that he was indeed a very stupid king and an even worse architect. Chatting will automatically take you to the next base.

I am a 32-year-old woman. I have been dating a younger man and want to know if he wants to settle down with me. We have never had a serious discussion about this, but I want to discuss this without disturbing the current decorum of our relation. How should I go about it? YJ

Parbhudas and Partho in their book, Corrupted Cuisines of Kanpur, pointed out that dishes get corrupted by just a touch of something small, such as cinnamon or ginger. The reverse also applies. And I don’t mean, ginger gets corrupted by Basmati rice. What I mean is small hints can give out huge messages. When I wanted my wife to get us a dog, I took her to see an Akshay Kumar film about a dog. It backfired and she got a picture of Akshay instead. Why don’t you take her to watch a movie about a couple settling down. Then discuss a couple who recently settled down. Talk about where you see yourself, as a couple, in five years. And if all else fails, play scrabble and make sure he gets the phrase ‘settling down’, to spell out. Be creative; hint away. Even the dull respond.