I’m an intense person: Vidya Balan

Vidya Balan (right) has essayed myriad roles and emotions on screen. The actor is known for her nuanced performances in films such as The Dirty Picture (2011) and Kahaani 2 (2016), among others. Ask her if there is ever a sense of identity being diluted, especially with actors as they are constantly playing different people, she says, “That is why I need to come back to being myself. So, for days, weeks and months, I do nothing else, not preparing, shooting or promoting a film. When you are playing a character, it is impossible for you not to identify with some aspect of it. Maybe it is not a direct personal identification, but you are able to reference it from life, a book you’ve read or some experiences you’ve had. Somewhere you connect with that character. At some point, slowly that overlap happens during the shoot. When you begin to see that then you are thinking like that person, feeling and living that person’s life, you inhabit that person’s world completely. That’s a thrill for me every time I live a role. Of course, when you come back to the room or even in between shots, you are being yourself. But there is very little scope for you to be yourself,” says Vidya. So how does an actor keep intact his or her sense of identity? “When I finish a film, I need time to do nothing else. I am an intense person and get immensely involved. It need not be an emotionally draining experience, though a lot of my films have been intense, but it’s just that you’re trying to reclaim yourself in some way when you come back. I need to give myself that time. I don’t know about other actors, I am sure everyone has their own way. It is fulfilling when you have that experience, so that I cleanse myself off everything and I am ready to play the next person,” says the actor. Ask Vidya Balan about the greatest insecurity of an actor, and she discloses, “That I am not important enough. I think you are constantly grappling with it and comparing yourself to someone else at every level and wondering is this actor doing more work than me, are they getting more PR, are they getting more awards, what are they doing right that I am not doing. Why is it that they have people thronging outside their houses? Even if it is five people lesser, that five is what you will focus on.”

Even if it is five people lesser outside your home, that five is what you (as an actor) will focus on VIDYA BALAN, ACTOR

PHOTO: ROHAN SHRESTHA