UNSAID RELATIONSHIP OF LGBTQIA+ IDENTITIES AND STRAIGHT ALLIES
Allyship calls for a lot of responsibility and sensitivity. Experts share how one can prove to be a dependable ally
When Ram was faced with homophobic jokes at workplace, he couldn’t stand up for himself, for he wasn’t out to everybody. That changed when a friend stood by him and prompted him to defend himself. “I could gather the courage to speak up against the bully because my friend stood in my support. It was a great example of an allyship,” he adds.
An ally for the LGBTQIA+ community is a person who supports equal rights and participates in social movements. Ram, the founder of Pride Circle and creator of ‘21 days ally challenge’, feels, “Allies are very important, right from home to workplace and to a society at large. If parents are allies, they can raise confident and aware children, instead of scared children.”
For psychologist Deepak Kashyap, an ally is a person who is more privileged than the person he is trying to help. “That’s why most straight people are allies,” he exerts. Straight people are larger in number and hence can make a significant difference.
Being an ally calls for a lot of responsibility, Kashyap says it is important to keep in mind that you are dealing with people who have faced trauma in the past. When any person comes out to an ally, it’s because the ally has created a safe space for them.
That said, Ram feels sensitivity should be the first and foremost trait of any ally. “An ally may not know everything, but approaching it with empathy, having respect for another person’s choice, and being keen to learn are some good qualities,” he explains.
There are also a few don’ts that allies should always keep in mind. “When you are helping others, keep this analogy in mind: You are there to help them build a house, let them decide where the kitchen goes. You can give your inputs, but don’t decide for them. Do not tell people how they are feeling; you are there to validate their feelings, not tell them how to feel,” Kashyap urges.
Also, letting people come out in their own time instead of forcing people should always be kept in mind. “Don’t out people without their consent, it is not encouraged. Being an ally means that you should support them. Assuming that you know everything about them is not right either,” adds Ram.