Hindustan Times ST (Mumbai) - Brunch
Five kinds of Instagram accounts
The low-down on lockdown feeds, from talking animals to culinary sensations
Afew years ago, I overheard this gem at a bar: “It’s the best time to be a social scientist, worst time to be alive. I’m not a nihilist. I’m an optimistic misanthrope.” Social scientists these days are, of course, busy studying the co-relation between lockdown restrictions and social media usage. Here are a few categories of Instagram accounts in our Age of Lockdown.
Pet speak
I’m as much a fan of anthropomorphism as the next person: I’ve often found doorknobs looking at me beseechingly and hostile chairs turning their backs on me. But I do stop short of putting words in the mouths of these inanimate objects. That’s not an impediment for pet people on Instagram, though. All around me, I find puppies and kittens speaking in human voices, like ventriloquists’ dummies. They even talk in their sleep, from under soft blankets in capacious baskets. They sulk, judge, pine, preen, gossip, boast. Mostly, they complain about quarantine and revel in trips out of the house. Ah, modern humans, condemned to truly express themselves only in the guise of beloved pets.
Lust for life
Living in a Black Mirror episode the last two years has taught us all to appreciate the little things. I don’t know about you, but I’ve joined The Cult of Small Things with frightening enthusiasm. Like others of my sweet and slightly pathetic ilk, I compulsively post pictures of everyday joys like flowers and sunsets in an effort to boost a community transmission of glee. From pretty book covers to stained glass lamps, these Insta accounts flaunt more enchanted objects than the average Harry Potter film. It’s a treadmill of life affirmation, from tacky Reels to transcendental poetry. *posts picture of writing this column while soulfully sipping a cup of tea with gentle sunlight falling on face*
Food filter
If aliens intercepted the mobile phones of a cross-section of humans and hired decoders to make sense of our words and images, they’d conclude that the race spends all its time on two activities: flirtatious chatting and food photography. The pleasures of the first are too obvious to state here; the second fixation is harder to explain. Sharing pictures of cinnamon-dusted French toast and perfectly textured dosas has become a lockdown obsession like no other. In an epoch of melting icebergs and freezing hearts, cooking, plating, serving and eating provide both control and consolation. “The way you make an omelette reveals your character,” said the witty and wise Anthony Bourdain. If both cooking and photography leave you cold, you can always try analysing people based on their food posts.
Productivity parade
All hail the doers! The exalted species that not only honour their professional obligations with a rare and admirable zeal but also take every opportunity to explore interests that feed the soul, and Instagram. The Type A all-rounders begin the day with yoga and parfait, followed by essential reading and grooming activities. Once a packed day of Zoom agonising, creative outpouring and Excel-sheet trawling is through, it’s time to dive headlong into a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle of a medieval painting. That tackled, it’s time to conjure a masterpiece of molecular gastronomy while catching up on the latest OTT sensation, simultaenously tying up the loose ends of Whatsapp chats with inspired GIFS. A state-of-the-art mindfulness routine leads into a sleep punctuated by Emmy-winning dreams.
IN AN EPOCH OF MELTING ICEBERGS AND FREEZING HEARTS, COOKING, PLATING, SERVING AND EATING PROVIDE BOTH CONTROL AND CONSOLATION
Armchair philosophy
There’s an army of Insta quoters who have the bon mot for every occasion. Shakespeare and Rumi are the usual culprits, but there’s plenty of Oscar Wilde, Ghalib, Nietzsche, and other oft-quoted men of varied extraction. Frida Kahlo and Virginia Woolf do a valiant job of addressing the skewered sex ratio, with Rupi Kaur adding her disturbingly vapid voice every now and then. Inaccuracies abound. I particularly cringe at the injunction “Write drunk; edit sober.” No, there’s no proof Hemingway actually said that. And even if he did, he’s perhaps the last person one should be taking advice from. One of my favourite quotes comes from blues musician, Tom Waits: “The world is a hellish place, and bad writing is destroying the quality of our suffering.” Now to find the perfect picture to accompany the quote.
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