The secret games and liaisons of Indian teens

How the parallel world of confession pages are a receptacle of rampant abuse, bullying and shaming

MUMBAI: The race to secure a place in an A-list institution, finding a spot in a coveted tutorial and personality-enhancing co-curricular activities are commonly considered the all-consuming pursuits of teenagers and young adults. However, in a parallel universe, an antithesis to this sanitized space defined by scholarly perseverance, there exists an inner world – a secret life where they unleash their intramural demons; and this veiled space is at once a thing of envy and aspiration.

Once called ‘confession pages’ – often named after an educational institution – they were a big sub-cultural phenomenon on Facebook a few years ago. Gradually, as the young migrated to other social media platforms, these confession pages moved to Instagram, Reddit, Snapchat and Discord, where they could hide behind privacy filters and save themselves from censorship. The confession pages are managed by a closed group of school and college children on the platforms. They are exclusive groups, which others can join by invitation only. Institutions have no role to play.

Unmonitored, overtime the conversations here have become racy and downright lurid – and everyone wants to belong.

When 16-year-old Prapti (name changed) learnt about her college’s secret Instagram page, all she wanted was to be a part of the inner clique. On learning of her desire, two seniors who ran the page approached her to give her a series of challenging tasks – like spilling water on a certain girl’s skirt knowingly, making a snide remark on a male classmate etc. Baptised, when she finally gained entry into the group in July this year, she was blown away by many posts directed at her -- she was called names and there were many obscene comments about her.

Prapti reported this to the college authorities – the senior girls were punished and all three are currently in therapy.

Last November, a 13-year-old boy from Thane boldly walked out of his home, telling his parents he would return in a year. The parents laughed it off as a joke or at best a temper tantrum by the child. It was no jest, and it eventually landed them at a neighbourhood police station. An investigation into his disappearance led the cops to a group on the social media platform, Discord, rife with secret chatrooms. In a group called ‘Runaway and get a life,’ the teen members would often discuss ways to flee home and hacks to survive on the mean streets.

The boy was tracked down in Goa and brought back home.

These are flashes from confidential lives of Indian teenagers, where they divulge secrets on confession boards on social media.

Around 2018, in the oldschool confession pages people would innocently disclose a crush or two, speak about ways to bunk classes and sometimes vent against an exacting teacher, to admins who would publish them on the page anonymously. Over time, these pages morphed into platforms for rampant cyber bullying. So much so, that in 2018, Mumbai’s Government Law College ordered the confessions page run by its students to be shut down, even threatening the admins with legal action for using the college’s name on social media without permission. As other institutions cottoned on and closed down the pages, the players migrated to more ‘secure’ platforms.

“Earlier, it was possible to remove content from the pages by contacting the admins. Platforms like Meta also help us proactively to curb any instances of bullying or harassment. However, the secret chatrooms on Instagram, Discord and Snapchat are beyond access,” said Unmesh Joshi, co-founder of non-profit start-up Responsible Netism, which works towards cyber wellness. He added, often the platforms don’t respond to requests from NGOs or even police as those running the pages take pride in providing privacy to their users.

Top of the line is rampant sexual harassment against women, noted BMS student, Vedanti Sawant (18). Most girls in her circle have experienced it, thanks to the anonymity of a fake internet profile. She spoke about how an acquaintance was called all kinds of inappropriate names by a male classmate. “She was shivering and looked physically uncomfortable as she showed me the contents of the chat sent to her. I encouraged her to speak to her parents and file an official police complaint against the boy,” said Vedanti.

Not wanting to make this episode public, her parents told the girl to block the boy’s account and asked her not to discuss the issue with anyone. Lack of an active response by victims, felt Vedanti, fuels the harasser’s motive, who continue to victimise others by their repeated acts.

The privacy of these platforms are also used by predators who are often known to ‘groom’ girls as young as eleven, by encouraging them to share explicit pictures. Boys speaking about their female classmates in a slanderous manner is de rigueur.

This has put parents on the edge. As Shashi Yadav, mother of two teen daughters, has bouts of anxiety when she sees the girls glued to their smartphones. “I try to educate them about online etiquettes and not sharing personal details with people they only know virtually,” she said. Having said that, Shashi has been much at unease since she learnt that one of her daughters has been interacting with an online friend from the USA. She doesn’t want to impose on her but finds herself walking on egg-shells manoeuvring the angsty teen.

Shashi, who is a proponent for moderation on social media, feels that the minimum age for privacy online should be 21. “At ages of 18 or 19, kids are not mature enough to understand all that can go wrong online,” she said.

Juhu-based psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria felt lifting the option of moderation by adults (parents or teachers) in the private groups has unleashed a barrage of hate online. “Like any act of bullying, this sort of behaviour by a child is a reflection of their anxiety. They are often short-tempered, aggressive and socially withdrawn. They can even indulge in selfharm as a consequence,” said Chhabria.

Chhabria noted that most teenagers feel their parents would never understand them and therefore they are reluctant to share details about any disturbing event occurring to them. “Getting reprimanded from parents often leads the teenagers into thinking they are unloved or unwanted, or that their sibling is loved more than them. Hatching plans to run away from home, thinking they are ready to take on the world by themselves is a common reaction to this,” she said.

At the same time, some teenagers are aware of the pitfalls.

Eighteen-year-old engineering student, Rishit Mehta, who is a passive follower of such private pages, recalls coming across a post from someone wanting to die by suicide. The person could not be tracked, despite the best efforts of the administrative team. As the post gained traction, the one who posted made an appearance to state that the suicide-threat was made in jest.

“Some people make edgy posts just to get attention or appear cool. People do use the platform to air grudges and post unsavoury things about others, but some of us also use the forums to discuss future career prospects, events organised by fest committees and academic issues,” said Rishit.

He believes while these pages are a source of community building and can be used for guidance and peer interaction among teenagers, a little censorship is needed to wade through tricky situations like suicide threats and abuse. A way to help track people making salacious posts or responding to cases of emergency, would be to use Google forms as a method of submission, he added. As errant behaviour has become a way of life, schools that only know of such online interactions, look to counselling as a way to keep the young ones on the straight and narrow.

Aditya Birla World Academy, for instance, has a student-led anti-bullying squad which works closely with the pastoral care team. The squad consists of students between classes 4 to 12, who receive training to identify, report and stand up against bullying in real life as well as online.

“Over the years, we have come across instances of teenagers creating hate pages, posting inappropriate material or writing derogatory comments on someone’s photos. Since we started talking to our students, few of them have reported such posts or brought it to the school’s attention,” said Aachal Jain, Pastoral Care Coordinator at the school. Students are not only sensitised towards the harms such actions cause but are also mindful enough to call out the person instantly when they notice such interaction online, she added.

BA student Arsh Salvi, 19, was once “innocently called cute” by a girl on such a post many years ago. However, today, he comes across many girls being subjected to body shaming and name calling, usually by other girls on these forums. “I feel this is done by girls who are insecure or jealous of someone else. At times, other girls who see them get away with such behaviour also join in to be a part of the tribe,” said Arsh.

While many remain unaffected and are able to take it in their stride, Arsh said, “One can never tell how it would affect the mental health of the survivor. It provides kids a structured way to get away with a lot of bad things.”

Vandana Lulla, principal of Podar International School, is equally a big proponent of making children aware of the consequences of their actions. “Aided by experts, we tell them that anything they write on the internet, even on secret groups, can be traced back to them. Educating them that their digital footprints are also under surveillance often scares them enough to be responsible online. It is especially true when they realise that their careers or aspirations can be adversely impacted by their online behaviour,” said Lulla.

Three years ago, as she set forth on her Broadway-adaptation of ‘Mean Girls’ (a 2004 movie), Emmy-winning actress and writer Tina Fey had remarked that the film was “timelier now than it was 14 years ago”.

She said when the movie was written it was to speak about relational aggression among girls. “And now every one does it. People are unkind. They don’t respect each other’s basic human dignity, and so social media is such a disease, right?” Fey had said, also remarking that it was an even more timely “reminder now that we all need to just kind of take a breath before we hurt each other”.

AS ERRANT BEHAVIOUR HAS BECOME A WAY OF LIFE, SCHOOLS LOOK TO COUNSELLING AS A WAY TO KEEP THE YOUNG ONES ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW.

THE PRIVACY OF THESE PLATFORMS ARE ALSO USED BY PREDATORS WHO ARE OFTEN KNOWN TO ‘GROOM’ GIRLS AS YOUNG AS ELEVEN, BY ENCOURAGING THEM TO SHARE EXPLICIT PICTURES.

ILLUSTRATION: GANESH GAMARE