Marriage ‘strengthening’ course completes 40 yrs
During one May weekend in 1973, some 20-odd married couples gathered for a ‘marriage enrichment’ programme at Fr Proksh Ashram, Andheri. The participants were in various stages of matrimony: some had been together for 50 years; others were just a year into marriage.
That meeting was one of the first ‘Marriage Encounters’ to be held in India. Since then, 4,000 couples have attended the course that is available to couples who, as its organisers say, want to strengthen their marriages.
Later this month, delegates from all over the world are expected to gather at the St Pius X seminary in Goregaon to commemorate the 40th anniversary of that meeting in Andheri. The event will be inaugurated on October 13 by Cardinal Oswald Gracias, the archbishop of Bombay.
The ‘Worldwide Marriage Encounter’ (WWME) programme was created in 1969 in the United States from an older Spanish version. Fr Peter desousa, a Redemptorist priest from Mumbai, invited Richard and Patricia Alexandro, an American couple, to India to start the course here. The Alexandros, who are reported to have sold all their property back in the United States to come to India with their children, eventually went back home, but their project travelled to various Indian cities. The couple, now in their nineties, is expected to attend the Goregaon event.
The WWME plan, normally held during weekends, follows a standard structure across the world. It is 44 hours long and each participating couple has a private room at the venue, but they are part of a larger group that shares stories and experiences from their marriages. A priest usually guides the participants through the course.
For most participants, these discussions are probably the first on issues such as money, sex, in-laws, work, children – subjects that make, or wreak, marriages.
Father desousa, the priest who brought the programme to India, said the course was a response to high divorce rates: “We are concerned about unstable marriages which end in divorce or people living together without marriage. This is an enrichment program to help couples lives harmoniously with understanding, acceptance and sacrifice.”
One of the key chapters in the course’s curriculum is good communication – a vital tool in all relationships, including marriage, according to marriage counsellors. “Communication can tackle what we call teething problems in marriages. How words are interpreted by a partner is important,” said Sujata Kulkarni, a marriage counsellor at the Thane family court.
“Any forum that encourages people to talk about their relationships is good. There is never a clear right or wrong in a marriage and open discussion can often sort festering problems,” said Murtuza Badri, a former counsellor who describes himself as a life coach.
While the WWME course is now tailored to meet the needs of Catholic couples, father de Sousa says they are open to the idea of a course for Hindu couples if there is a demand for it.
The programme is highly recommended by those who attended it. Malad-resident Gerald Misquitta and his wife Judith went to one in 1994, after they came back to India from long stays in Kuwait and Canada. “We had been married for 20 years and were probably the oldest couple in the group. I recommend it,” said Misquita.
Barses D’souza, a 77-year retired multi-national company employee attended a session in 1977. His marriage is now 47 years old. He credits the lessons learnt there for the longevity of his marriage. “The programme has miraculously saved many marriages,” he said, relating the story of a former alcoholic whose marriage received a fresh lease of life after he and his wife attended a WWME meet. “He joined a self-help group to help him with his alcoholism. He could kick his drinking habit and he was so grateful for the help that he became a volunteer with the group. However, the long hours spent doing volunteering work nearby broke his marriage till the couple attended a WWME course,” said D’souza.