EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFERENT

Ithink, to a very large extent, happiness is not a major pursuit in Indian society. Most parents don’t want their children to be happy; they want their children to be settled. And there is a huge difference between being happy and being settled; and wanting someone to be settled and wanting someone to be happy. Most parents see their children, especially their daughters, as problems that need to be settled. At 30, I am constantly asked by my relatives and their relatives what my plans are; what I’m going to do with my life, given that I’m choosing not to marry and in doing so, am being subversive of their expectations of me. Nobody will understand why you would choose to be in a relationship that’s not leading to marriage, that’s not leading to something concrete. I look them in the eye and tell them that I am be a writer. And I already am what I always wanted to be: a fiercely independent individual. I think too many women over centuries have sacrificed their passions and their individualities for the sake of other people’s notions of what constitutes happiness. Every relationship is different, and women ought to exercise their rights to experiment with what suits them without having to blindly conform to what is expected of them. It ought to also be okay not to marry and to decide not to have children. I prefer to call my relationship a partnership. It has taken us years of being together and negotiating our love for each other to arrive at this space of equality. Yet, I also love having my own space. I think all women should, at some point in their lives, have the experience of living alone. It’s tremendously liberating to