Division of household duties has a huge impact on marriage, suggests a study.

As a recent study finds out that couples who don’t share household chores are at risk of a break-up, we ask experts for solutions

Most couples who stay together know that doing household chores could put them off. However, either party has to do it. And often, one person in a relationship takes the responsibility of doing most of the chores, while the other partner either barely contributes or doesn’t share the burden at all, because he or she is simply not interested. But, if reports about a new study are to be believed, these couples and their love lives are in trouble.

Researchers at Stockholm University have concluded that the division of household duties has a huge impact on marital satisfaction and stability. Individuals, who do the bulk of the housework are unhappy in their relationships, and may breakup with their partners.

SHARING IS CARING

So why is it important to divide housework? Psychotherapist and life coach, Neeta V Shetty puts it into perspective. She says, “Marriages and relationships have evolved in the past decade. Increasingly, there are no gender defined roles for couples in a relationship. Men are not the sole breadwinners in the family anymore and neither are women just homemakers. Women are working, commuting, meeting targets and achieving career goals as well as taking care of household responsibilities and children. This multitasking has led to exhaustion and burnout, which is affecting relationships and marriages.” She adds, “Friction, because of not sharing household chores is on the rise. Dividing work is extremely important. Doing household chores is a way of showing that you care for your partner. It is also an activity, which can help you spend time with each other in this fast-paced life.”

The person avoiding household duties should be aware that his or her behaviour is affecting his or her partner and relationship. Shetty says that a person doing most of the housework may feel lonely, depressed and overwhelmed which may lead to constant fatigue or anger. She says, “It may lead to low self-esteem and self-confidence problems as people who are burdened with most of the house chores may perceive themselves as unworthy and unloved. Constant multitasking and not having time to declutter the brain may lead to cognitive deterioration, which could then lead to memory loss and lack of concentration.”

On the physical side, Shetty says that a person who is overburdened with house chores may experience exhaustion, leading to high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which can lower immunity.

TALK IT OUT

If your partner doesn’t want to share the household chores, you could try convincing him or her. Assistant professor and clinical psychologist, Mary George Varghese says, “Convincing a person who doesn’t want to share his role in a particular task is difficult. As a first step, one should get this person involved in homely activities. Once the job is done, acknowledge how his or her help made a difference.”

Varghese adds, “Sharing of responsibilities between two people in a relationship is always a healthy sign. Among married people, it helps in family bonding and children learn the values of loving, caring and the dignity of labour. In such families, the dynamics change entirely and that naturally reflects in their relationships. So, sharing household work helps partners to lead a harmonious and healthy personal, family and a professional life.”

Among married people, sharing chores helps in family bonding and children learn the values of loving and the dignity of labour. MARY GEORGE VARGHESE, CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST