‘Have a consistent approach’

I started falling for my friend a long time back. When I got to know that she was committed, I was hurt. She broke up with her boyfriend six months back and my hopes rekindled. But, she patched up with him. How should I tackle this problem? YC

If they’ve patched up, you missed the vacancy period. Go for the long game strategy. To be successful here, you need a lot of patience. You need to have a consistent approach, and lots of vitamin C. Remain friends and try to spend time with her. Don’t reveal all your cards (I don’t mean Aadhaar or PAN card). If they’ve broken up once, you can hope it happens again. Stay at first slip and wait for the ball to come to you.

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for the last six years. He got married to another girl. I’m emotionally attached to him. We often have sex. But, after sometime I don’t feel good about myself. I can’t sleep at night. He says he loves me and that he doesn’t love his wife. They sleep in different bedrooms. What should I do? CS

Your case is exactly the same as that of Douglas, the nephew of King Henrique of Belgium.m Douglas was in love with his cousin, Pierre’s wife. They were also in a relationship. But, when Douglas forgot to wish his love on her anniversary, she complained to the king, who had all of Douglas’s chest hair removed publicly. Even today, if your name is Douglas and you are Belgian, you will have a bare naked torso for sure. Frankly, the ball is in your lover’s court. He has to decide, who is more important. All you can do is ask him to choose. He’s having his cake and eating it too, albeit in separate bedrooms. If you want legitimacy, then it’s upto him. Leaving a wife, even one with a moustache, is not easy task. Ask Douglas.

My best friend is stuck with the memories of her ex. The person she dated has not settled down as yet. He is 36 and 12 years older to her. At one point, we created a fake Facebook profile on a girl’s name and sent him a friend request. He accepted the request and wanted to meet the girl. Is this guy genuine? SS

Like most men, this guy obviously likes to keep his options open. Hence, the famous North Korean saying which says, ‘When a man says I love you,’ he means ‘I love you till I meet the next girl, sitting over there’. If your friend knows all this, then what’s the problem? He stands exposed. Unless she’s an absolute nut, she needs to move on.

I’m in love with a guy from a neighbouring coaching class. I’ve confessed my love to him through our friends. We rarely talk and he is shy in front of me. How do I get him to commit to me? CL

Why confess your love for this guy to your other friends? Get your friends to decide everything such as the time you go to the toilet, the clothes you wear, and your hairstyle. Try and understand what Artemis the soothsayer meant, when he said, ‘The early bird catches the worm’. It’s all about demand versus supply. In Athens, Greece, at that point there were only four worms to every bird. And 50% of the worms were undernourished. You also have a very limited supply line, so don’t wonder off to meet other birds and take their opinions. Instead, go get yourself a nice, plump, healthy, worm. Him being shy, is no problem. Take the lead. Take, prod and feel your way through.