HT Cafe

Experts talk about why money plays an important role in a relationsh­ip

- CYRUS BROACHA

In 2011, I started dating a guy from my class. In 2013, we separated but we used to meet occasional­ly. Now, after knowing about his engagement, I have developed feelings for him again. Recently, he asked me if I love someone, I said ‘yes’, without naming the guy. Then, he said, “May be he also loved you, but waited for you for too long.” Does he still love me? GA

GA, first and foremost, let me wish you season’s greetings on the occasion of one of India’s premier festivals, Halloween. It’s clear he has feelings for you, otherwise why would he drop such a broad hint. However, since he’s engaged, he’s found himself in a tight spot. It’s similar to the feeling you get when you are a size ‘30’ waist, and you then wear a size ‘28’ waist. I feel you need to get his undivided attention, where you both come clean about each other.

I started talking to a guy on a dating site. We met at my place and it went really well. There was shyness, smiling and butterflie­s. I felt all of this after so long. But since then, he hasn’t made the effort to contact me. When I asked him if he only wants sex, he said he wants to be in a serious relationsh­ip (but he doesn’t act like he does), which I am not interested in. Are men really that deceptive and manipulati­ve for sex? D

D, first of, tell me about the butterflie­s. Oh, I see the butterflie­s are a metaphor. Now remember, if he doesn’t call or text you, that’s a serious infringeme­nt of the lovers code, it’s worse than wearing spandex to one’s wedding. It’s not a question of whether he’s just interested in sex. It’s a question of how crazy he is about you. And inconsiste­ncy adds up to, ‘not very’ crazy. So, please tell him, and yourself, as well as all the butterflie­s that if he’s not gonna put in the hard yards, then he might as well be chasing a butterfly.

I’m a tomboy. I have never been in a relationsh­ip, as I cannot imagine sitting on the pillion and holding the guy. I see myself riding the bike with the guy behind. Guys have proposed to me because of studies and stuff. Am I missing out on something important? SA

SA, but why do you have to hold the guy by the waist in the first place? Instead, follow what Kim Ill Su, the South Korean World Champion pillion rider said, “Always hold the driver by the neck, so you can control his speed”. Having said that, today, tomboys as a species have almost wiped out. They are like left handers at chess. If you change your personalit­y for others to like you, then you are not being true to yourself. Of course, this rule does not apply to psychopath­s, sociopaths, and chartered accountant­s. And yes, you are missing out on something if you are rejecting the idea of romance.

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 ?? PHOTO: ISTOCK; FOR REPRESENTA­TIONAL PURPOSES ONLY ??
PHOTO: ISTOCK; FOR REPRESENTA­TIONAL PURPOSES ONLY
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