Ex­perts talk about why money plays an im­por­tant role in a re­la­tion­ship


In 2011, I started dat­ing a guy from my class. In 2013, we sep­a­rated but we used to meet oc­ca­sion­ally. Now, af­ter know­ing about his en­gage­ment, I have de­vel­oped feel­ings for him again. Re­cently, he asked me if I love some­one, I said ‘yes’, with­out nam­ing the guy. Then, he said, “May be he also loved you, but waited for you for too long.” Does he still love me? ­GA

GA, first and fore­most, let me wish you sea­son’s greet­ings on the oc­ca­sion of one of In­dia’s pre­mier fes­ti­vals, Hal­loween. It’s clear he has feel­ings for you, oth­er­wise why would he drop such a broad hint. How­ever, since he’s en­gaged, he’s found him­self in a tight spot. It’s sim­i­lar to the feel­ing you get when you are a size ‘30’ waist, and you then wear a size ‘28’ waist. I feel you need to get his un­di­vided at­ten­tion, where you both come clean about each other.

I started talk­ing to a guy on a dat­ing site. We met at my place and it went re­ally well. There was shy­ness, smil­ing and but­ter­flies. I felt all of this af­ter so long. But since then, he hasn’t made the ef­fort to con­tact me. When I asked him if he only wants sex, he said he wants to be in a se­ri­ous re­la­tion­ship (but he doesn’t act like he does), which I am not in­ter­ested in. Are men re­ally that de­cep­tive and ma­nip­u­la­tive for sex? ­D

D, first of, tell me about the but­ter­flies. Oh, I see the but­ter­flies are a metaphor. Now re­mem­ber, if he doesn’t call or text you, that’s a se­ri­ous in­fringe­ment of the lovers code, it’s worse than wear­ing span­dex to one’s wed­ding. It’s not a ques­tion of whether he’s just in­ter­ested in sex. It’s a ques­tion of how crazy he is about you. And in­con­sis­tency adds up to, ‘not very’ crazy. So, please tell him, and your­self, as well as all the but­ter­flies that if he’s not gonna put in the hard yards, then he might as well be chas­ing a but­ter­fly.

I’m a tomboy. I have never been in a re­la­tion­ship, as I can­not imag­ine sit­ting on the pil­lion and hold­ing the guy. I see my­self rid­ing the bike with the guy be­hind. Guys have pro­posed to me be­cause of stud­ies and stuff. Am I miss­ing out on some­thing im­por­tant? ­SA

SA, but why do you have to hold the guy by the waist in the first place? In­stead, fol­low what Kim Ill Su, the South Korean World Cham­pion pil­lion rider said, “Al­ways hold the driver by the neck, so you can con­trol his speed”. Hav­ing said that, to­day, tomboys as a species have al­most wiped out. They are like left han­ders at chess. If you change your per­son­al­ity for oth­ers to like you, then you are not be­ing true to your­self. Of course, this rule does not ap­ply to psy­chopaths, so­ciopaths, and char­tered ac­coun­tants. And yes, you are miss­ing out on some­thing if you are re­ject­ing the idea of ro­mance.


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