‘Dis­hon­esty is fine in a re­la­tion­ship’


Hello Cyrus, I’m in love with one of my class­mates. How­ever, he al­ready has a girl­friend and they have been dat­ing for a very long time now. At the same time, he has told me that he likes me too. But I don’t want to be in a re­la­tion­ship with him, as they are a great pair. I am con­fused. Please help. RA RA, firstly, you are wrong. You are not con­fused. You like him. You are very clear. He’s con­fused. He’s the one with the girl­friend, and he’s show­ing in­ter­est in you. In many medieval cul­tures, (which can be found any­where in the world to­day), he’d be pun­ished se­verely. Face paint­ing, hard boil egg swal­low­ing, and stand­ing like a statue in the hot sun for hours come read­ily to mind. So, since I’m not con­fused ei­ther, let me sug­gest a way for­ward. He knows how you feel, give him a time frame, (I don’t like the word dead­line, too much dou­ble mean­ing), and sug­gest him he has that much time to clean up his con­fu­sion. Please don’t en­cour­age him to have his cake and eat it too, and then ex­pect you to pay the bill.

I loved a girl and pro­posed to her last year and she told me that she was com­mit­ted. Then after a month, she told me she was ly­ing be­cause one of our mu­tual friends liked her and she didn’t want to hurt him. After six months, she asked me again if I had feel­ings for her. I said, yes. How­ever, a month later, she told me that she has been com­mit­ted for the past three years. Did she ever love me? PR PR, who is this strange girl? Is she a politi­cian, if so which party? I’m so im­pressed with her. Dis­hon­esty to an­other level. She’s treat­ing you like a hu­man yo-yo. By the way, the pro­to­type Yo-Yo was a hu­man yo-yo. In 765 AD, Cheng Fa had one man tied to two sets of strings and then had the same man rocked to and fro. The man died. Not from the Yo-Yo ef­fect, but from sheer bore­dom. I can’t force you, of course, but I do humbly sug­gest you don’t pur­sue this girl. She seems to not re­ally care about any­one, but her­self. Dis­hon­esty is fine in a re­la­tion­ship, but dis­hon­esty is like power. Too much dis­hon­esty cor­rupts you. You’ll never re­ally know where you stand with her. So can we please take a rain check, even though it’s the month of De­cem­ber?

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up two years ago and that ended our five-year-long re­la­tion­ship. Re­cently, he had vis­ited my town and we texted and spoke to each other over the phone. But when­ever I asked him to meet me, he al­ways re­fused, say­ing that he is afraid that he will fall for me again. I want to meet him and solve things be­tween us. What do I do? SB

SB, the Greek Ge­nius Pythago­ras came up with sev­eral prin­ci­ples — 437 to be pre­cise. 404 turned out to be to­tal rub­bish. 33 be­came stan­dard def­i­ni­tions in mod­ern science. One of his the­o­ries was, ‘if an exboyfriend vis­its your town, meet­ing him again could be haz­ardous. Of course, it sounded much fun­nier in the orig­i­nal Greek. SB, your gen­tle­man friend is in all prob­a­bil­ity right. It’s not a def­i­nite, but why play with fire? You had your time. Five good years like any serv­ing gov­ern­ment. You love him, so it makes sense for you to meet. But if he re­ally doesn’t then why force him? Let him vol­un­tar­ily pur­sue this, or it’ll lead to re­sent­ment from his side. This re­ally now is his move. “Your move”, by the way, is also one of Pythago­ras’ prin­ci­ples.

I’ve been dat­ing a girl for a year now and for the past few months, I’ve no­ticed that she is flirt­ing with my best friend, which makes me in­se­cure. She calls him ‘hus­band’, ‘baby’, etc. I have told her about this but she doesn’t seem to un­der­stand. It got so out of hand, that I told her I wanted a breakup. At this point, all my friends told me that I was wrong. Now, we are back to­gether, but I don’t know what to do. UC UC, I think she’s be­hav­ing like a to­tal id­iot. I mean, you don’t want her overly flirt­ing and mak­ing you feel hu­mil­i­ated. Yet she per­sists, isn’t that the def­i­ni­tion, of ‘Com­plete Id­iot’. Also, mean­spir­ited moron. I think you did the right thing. She shouldn’t rub your face in it. That’s not fair at all. A lit­tle ban­ter is great, but come on this crosses a line. The line, by the way, is when you get upset and feel a sense of hu­mil­i­a­tion. Tell your friends to find their own in­stru­ments of hu­mil­i­a­tion and not to bother about yours. If she re­spects you, she’d stop go­ing over­board. With­out re­spect and con­sid­er­a­tion, there is love only among plants and veg­e­ta­tion.

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