Revisiting the ABC of communication
Parents need to understand that an authoritative parenting style may not go a long way in keeping relationships intact. DR DEEPAK RAHEJA, Psychiatrist and founder of Hope Care India
The Shraddha Walkar murder case is something that shook the country. While the murder reportedly took place in May this year, details were unearthed only recently. No one really knew or seemed to care about the absence of the victim. The reason? She was not in touch with her parents for months as it is, as they didn’t approve of her live-in relationship with Aftab Poonawala, who is suspected to have murdered her. It was only after Walkar’s friend informed her parents that a complaint was lodged.
The situation has thus brought to the fore the importance of communication within a family, as well as the lack of it.
“Communication destabilises during times of conflict and when there are opposing viewpoints. However, the key to resolving any difficult situation is keeping the flow of communication going. Parents need to understand that an authoritative parenting style may not go a long way in keeping relationships intact,” opines Dr Deepak Raheja, psychiatrist and founder of Hope Care India.
Most of the time, an individual lacks perspective on what their parent is feeling about something or someone, and from this stems miscommunication and bickering, especially in teenagers and young adults. Dr Raheja adds, “To make the relationship more equal, healthy boundaries need to be set between individuals and their parents. Regular communication is necessary to make both sides understand each other.”
THE KEY TO HEALTHY COMMUNICATION
Parents need to understand the importance of individual choices and opinions, rather than being stubborn. If you are feeling disappointed, take some time off and start communicating again. Do not stretch the same discussion, but do keep in touch by asking about their health and day-to-day life in general. The point is to keep the communication channel open, so that an individual can come back to their parents in case of any emergency.
Talking on the same topic repeatedly is something that we should avoid, during times of conflict. Also, personalities differ. Some people need space, some people want immediate resolution and others want systematic attention. Therefore, parents need to decide how to communicate as per the personality type of their child. However, avoid any forceful communication during this time. Parents should share their concerns and apprehensions honestly, without exaggerating or mellowing down the real issue.
Give respectable, emotional space to each other. Don’t be judgmental of others’ perceptions and feelings. This will empower every family member to speak about all things good as well as bad.
STRENGTHENING PARENTCHILD BONDS
Actively listen, with empathy. Be available reasonably, without any techno distractions. Give freedom with clear boundaries and responsibilities. Create some parent-child rituals, which may include fun activities, having a meal together, etc. Express your real feelings often.