AGE? NO BAR!

As 34-year-old Shahid Kapoor is set to marry 21-year-old Mira Rajput, we ask how age gaps affect relationships

Age gaps between couples is a common phenomenon these days, and rarely raises eyebrows. But in some cases, it seems rather odd. One such recent example that made news is the upcoming marriage of 34-year-old Shahid Kapoor and his 21-year-old wife-to-be, Mira Rajput. Some relationship experts feel that marrying someone older helps shape the other partner’s personality, others don’t think so.

A study conducted last year by a few professors at Emory University, Georgia, USA, concluded that couples with large age gaps are more susceptible to divorce than those with smaller age differences. Relationship expert Kinjal Pandya agrees, saying, “Most couples with big age gaps are incompatible because the gap results in them having different beliefs and thought processes, which often leads to conflicts.”

Harish Mulchandani (40), an IT professional, who married Rohini Nihalani (30), a dance teacher, last year, faced a similar situation. “My wife expected a lot of me. She wanted me to behave like people her age. Initially, I did whatever she said but I began feeling suffocated,” says Harish. Rohini, too, has issues. “My husband constantly gives me advice like I am a child. He wanted me to change the way I dress, the way I talk to other men, and the way I behave with friends. There were too many restrictions. When I married Harish, I wanted a husband, not a father figure who treats me like his kid,” she says. They have currently opted for relationship counselling, and are trying to sort out their differences.

Rohini’s problem is not isolated. Even American supermodel Cindy Crawford, who was married to Hollywood actor Richard Gere (they had a 16-year age gap), between 1991 and 1995, didn’t feel like an equal in her marriage. “It’s important to marry someone you are friends with. Having been married before, to someone who was older than me — and someone who I very much looked up to — I didn’t feel like we were equals. Having a relationship that has real friendship is important for a longlasting bond,” she said, while she was in the city recently.

Apart from compatibility issues, experts suggest that sexual dissatisfaction is another reason for problems. “When you are not able to satisfy your partner