Reading the language of the eyes
Is there someone in your office or in your locality who just stares at you? If you think this person is interested in you, then you may be wrong, say experts
You must have encountered someone just staring at you, right into your eyes. And, if this person is someone who you have spotted regularly, then chances are the staring business will occur at every instance.
So, what does it mean when a person of the opposite sex or the same sex just stares and doesn’t say anything to you? Is he/she in love with you? If not, what is it? We try to find the answer.
DECODING THE STARING
There could be several reasons. And, according to psychosocial analyst and relationship counsellor, Aman Bhonsle, one of them is sexual attraction. He says, “Hormones, particularly in young adults and adolescents, are always raging. But social conditioning of approaching a woman may be an inhibitor. So, if I want to say, ‘I like him/her,’ social conditioning will make me going and talking to this person appear as creepy, invasive or disrespectful. So, the next best thing is to send a signal. It’s like the Morse code of love; the code is meant to disguise the message, but the message is meant to reach.”
According to Bhonsle,
All messages that we give out are on the social or psychological level. Social level messaging means that we have to be kind, polite and appropriate. He says, “Psychological level messages mean you could be cunning and greedy. The social level message means ‘look at me, I am looking at you.’”.
Psychiatrist Dr Gittanjali Saxena says that the staring happens because of desire, longing, passion and lust. She says, “Men stare at women they are attracted to and so do women. It is human nature. Both genders are trying to get an idea of what that person’s personality is like. Sometimes, women stare at men looking for something, which they find is lacking in their partner, whereas, men stare at women longing for their beauty.”
KNOW THE TRUTH
So, how do you know if the person, who is staring at you, is interested in you? Bhonsle says, “You cannot tell for sure. It’s a gamble, because a lot of people don’t have the same facial expressions, even if they have the same emotions. For example, while paying attention, you may have a tendency to squint your eyes. But, when someone else does this, it could be a sign of disbelief. So, sometimes a lot gets lost in translation when you speak and in your facial expressions.” He adds, “I may think I am looking at somebody in a friendly way, but that person may think that I am looking at him/her in a sexual way. There is no standardised facial expression that says ‘I am interested in you’. There is no guarantee of what the other person is thinking about you. Chances are if you are a really good actor or really good looking any expression on your face will look pleasant.”
THE REPERCUSSIONS OF STARING BACK
One should also remember that staring back at someone may make him/her fall for you. Relationship expert Vishnu Modi says, “One may be harmlessly staring at someone over a period of time, but, you should realise that if you are staring back at him/her simultaneously, you are altering this person’s thinking. For example Manthan Gupta, a college student, had a habit of sitting with his friends outside his building late in the nights. There was a girl in his adjoining building, who used to just stare at him every time she was at her window. Eventually, he fell in love with her. He also tried talking to her during the day when he saw her in the locality. One day, he was left heartbroken, when he got to know that she was dating someone since a long time. Till date, he doesn’t know why she used to stare at him.”
Men stare at women they are attracted to and so do women. It is human nature. Sometimes, women stare at men looking for something, which they find is lacking in their partner, whereas, men stare at women longing for their beauty. DR GITTANJALI SAXENA PSYCHIATRIST
YOUR REACTION
This should depend on whether that look is pleasant or making you uncomfortable. Bhonsle says, “If the look is pleasant, you could engage in a conversation. Ask something like, ‘I am new here and thought I would come and say hi to you’. These are nonthreatening ways to engage. But you have to assess whether the stare is an invite or not.”