‘There is absolutely no reason to rake up his or your past’ In my best-selling book, The

I am a 28-year-old man. I was in a bad relationship in the past, and now, I am not able to trust the girl I am currently dating. She has been very transparent in this relationship and has been truthful to me all the time. What should I do to regain trust in my relationship? AK

The cactus flower was discovered by the ancient Numidiar traveller, Ivn Nott. However, when he picked up the cactus to give it as a present to his third wife, his hands were bloody from the cuts. Ivn Nott gave it to his third wife anyway, as he secretly wanted a fourth one. But that’s not the point of the story. Two months later, he discovered the hibiscus plant. Out of fear of the cactus incident, he urged his fourth wife to pick up the hibiscus, as a safety precaution for himself. AK, you have a similar problem. Having interacted with a cactus, you are filled with doubt. Actually, you don’t have to regain trust; you just need to allow yourself to experience the hibiscus. If she’s the one, the more time you spend with her, the more the trust will solidify.

I am a 31-year-old housewife. I recently found out about my husband’s past relationships through someone else, which he had never mentioned about. I am sure that he is not in touch with anyone today. But should I confront him about this or should I just let it go? RK

Taiwanese vice-president Loo Chang La wrote a book about how when you are 16, you can’t fit into the shoes you had when you were seven. (Loo Chang La could fit into them till his 15th birthday though). A very compelling argument for understanding that the past never fits into the present. RK, don’t behave like a big oaf. Everyone has a past. When I was a teenager, I almost joined the communist party. But the party office location was a bit far from my house. So I lost interest. There is absolutely no reason to rake up his past or your past. Instead of such futile thoughts, enjoy your present, and the morale of my story is, don’t buy too many shoes, in case you outgrow them.

I am a 24-year-old woman. Under pressure from my family members, I have been seeing men through various matrimonial websites. I feel I am not ready for marriage right now, but I am not able to convince my parents about the same. What should I do? MK

MK, when I was in school, Anand Balakrishna shoved my head into a bucket of water. So I explained to him, politely, that I certainly didn’t enjoy the experience. Much to my surprise, he seemed to empathise. And this time, he shoved my head into the bucket and held it 30 seconds longer. If you don’t want to see proposals right now, please stop them from shoving your head in the bucket. This is the rest of your life you are talking about. Please stand your ground; tell Anand Balakrishna to back off. Tell your parents my story. Try and convince them that you’ll start ‘looking’ when you are ready. After all, you have to marry the guy, not them.

There is a girl in my office who I like. However, in our recent conversation, I got to know that she is already in a relationship with someone. I have been trying to understand things, but somehow I am not able to let go of that feeling. What should I do? VN

Average Indian Male, (so far we have sold seven copies and gifted two), I have explained the conundrum many of us men have when we fall for girls who are already committed to others. As much as you may like this girl, the bigger question is where does she place you? Are you in her top five things? Such as her current boyfriend, kabbadi matches, the colour yellow, Vogue magazine, and Anushka Sharma. If you are, great. If you are not, then your chances of stealing her away are minimal. Maybe she’s hinting to you to back off. Is she calling you? Texting you? Initiating conversations? If not, you are playing a single wicket tournament. Observe how much she’s into you.