FROM THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Sex is not just about sex. The attitude towards it reflects the way women are regarded, permeates into culture, the arts and, above all, indicates how liberal a society we are. We found out the hard way when, in 2003, india today decided to track sexual mores in modern India. It caused quite a stir. The survey, of what women want, took the nation by storm, with the team being bombarded by letters, threats and calls. Yet the issue was an instant sell-out on the newsstands, prompting us to make it an annual ritual, lifting the veil on an important aspect of life. Between then and now, we have held 15 surveys: men and women, singletons and couples, at work or on the campus, teenagers or 60-somethings, across small towns or metro cities. Statistics reveal a massive change in perception, practice and preference. Although marked by inconsistencies and cross-currents, the guarded conservatism of the early 2000s is clearly giving way to a lifestyle where pleasure is paramount. The modern marriage is more fun, but perhaps the shelf life of the all-or-nothing institution is reaching its sell-by date.
To celebrate the 15th year of the India Today Sex Survey, we look at how things have changed (or not) in the nation’s intimate life, to recognise the new normal, the naked truth. In the past 15 years, we have asked at least a thousand questions to over 50,000 of you. And from the evasive ‘Don’t Know/ Can’t Say’ of the early 2000s, you have emerged boldly—to tell us about your deepest demands and desires, fantasies and fears. Thanks to you, we are perhaps closer to understanding the continuing metamorphosis of the Indian sexual psyche.
This year’s survey puts those changes in context, as it studies a total of 4,050 men and women between ages 19 and 60, across 19 cities. The statistics across the pages reveal a pattern, through a landscape of flip-flops and contradictions: in our 2013 survey, we learnt that more men than women believe that love is more important than sex; in 2016, 63 per cent men told us they wouldn’t marry a woman if she was sexually experienced, compared to 77 per cent in 2004. Casual sex, detached from emotion, is becoming more popular than ever: 41 per cent men are fine with one-night stands, as are 29 per cent women. Over 26 per cent have slept with someone other than their partners.
This year’s sex survey, anchored by Executive Editor Damayanti Datta, takes you through the seismic shift behind closed doors. It clearly indicates how modern technology—internet porn to Snapchat to apps—is changing bedroom dynamics: foreplay is down and (almost) out, with a lot more couples taking to porn surfing instead. Over 32 per cent men manage to spare barely five minutes or less for lovemaking on average. Oral sex tops the list of sexual activities and fantasies. The bouquet of acrobatics in the bedroom is expanding with astonishing speed.
Yet this increasingly progressive process, painfully slow though it is, is not mirrored in the attitude of those who believe they are in charge of our morals. So we have a ridiculous situation when films can be denied certification for being “lady oriented” and using abusive words (as in the case of Lipstick Under My Burkha) or for depicting reality (as in Udta Punjab). Rape threats against women in public spaces and on social media indicate that sexual violence is always a clear and present danger. Some attitudes remain no matter the level of education. In particular, the Indian man has yet to evolve into someone who accepts the Indian woman as his equal, treats her with respect and understanding. What happens in our bedrooms spills over on to the streets sooner rather than later. It is best that it is acknowledged, understood and celebrated.