Sex queries, an­swered

Fun? Fran­tic? Fool­ish? Just chill and ask Salome Mit­ter all your ques­tions on sex.

Savvy - - Contents - Neetu Jha, Delhi

I’m 25 and have been see­ing my boyfriend for three years now. In the past year, things have be­come more phys­i­cal. How­ever, lately he’s be­come fas­ci­nated by ‘sex games’ and has been try­ing to get me to play along. But frankly speak­ing, I find it a real turn off. What do you think? Is it worth giv­ing it a shot?

Hi Neetu. The phys­i­cal as­pect of a re­la­tion­ship can tend to get a lit­tle limp over the years. Part­ners do try myr­iad ways to keep the heat on. Some like can­dle­light din­ners; oth­ers, more umm… in­ter­est­ing stuff! How­ever, you are clearly not play­ing along. Are his ‘sex games’ too risqué? Are you find­ing them de­mean­ing or dan­ger­ous? I sug­gest you talk to him and share what it is that is turn­ing you off. Your safety and com­fort are of ut­most im­por­tance here. If it is just a nat­u­ral shy­ness that is hold­ing you back from par­tic­i­pat­ing, you might want to set your in­hi­bi­tions aside and ex­plore your in­ti­macy fur­ther with­out be­ing judge­men­tal. If your bf’s sort of games don’t please you, why not sug­gest some of your own? You could place bets on sim­ple trivia ques­tions or board games – the prize could be a spe­cial treat be­tween the sheets that the win­ner de­sires! Been binge­ing on your fave Net­flix se­ries? Why not in­dulge in a spot of raunchy role-play as you both en­act your fave char­ac­ters? Sex doesn’t have to be a deadly se­ri­ous busi­ness. Stretch­ing your bound­aries once in a while can have the most liven­ing ef­fect. Of course, pro­vided you are happy to play along!

Sex isn’t just about the in­ter­course, it’s im­por­tant to re­lax and en­joy in­ti­macy in all its won­der­ful glory via kiss­ing, cud­dling, man­ual stim­u­la­tion etc.

I’m walk­ing down the aisle in a cou­ple of months, and as I’m sure is com­mon, I’m be­ing been teased a lot about my wed­ding night. It’s all good fun and I get that. How­ever, some­one a bit on the nasty side made a com­ment about my weight and how that would make my wed­ding night ‘in­ter­est­ing’. I am over­weight and that has never been a prob­lem for me or my fi­ancé, but I have started won­der­ing about whether or not be­ing over­weight makes a dif­fer­ence when it comes to hav­ing sex. What are your thoughts? Ak­shi Lokhande, Mum­bai

Jab miya biwi raazi, mean com­ments from ‘well-mean­ing’ friends are best ig­nored! No sweetie, I doubt your be­ing over­weight would cre­ate any prob­lems on your wed­ding night, since nei­ther you nor your fi­ancé seem to have an is­sue with your weight. Sex isn’t just about the in­ter­course, it’s im­por­tant to re­lax and en­joy in­ti­macy in all its won­der­ful glory via kiss­ing, cud­dling, man­ual stim­u­la­tion etc. You both might want to ex­per­i­ment with po­si­tions that work bet­ter for you. A mod­i­fied mis­sion­ary po­si­tion in which you place pil­lows un­der your hips is said to work well. Spoon­ing (side by side), and doggy style (rear en­try) also come rec­om­mended. With cre­ativ­ity, a few ad­just­ments, and loads of de­sire - given you will be just-mar­rieds! - there’s noth­ing to stop your sex life from get­ting off to a roar­ing start. That said, do not take it as carte blanche to pile on ad­di­tional pounds post the wed­ding day. Re­search proves that obe­sity brings with it con­di­tions such as high choles­terol, high blood pres­sure and di­a­betes, which re­sult in prob­lems with li­bido, sex drive and sex­ual per­for­mance. Ex­tra weight also stresses the knees and other joints, and makes cer­tain sex­ual po­si­tions un­com­fort­able. So, let’s keep it a lit­tle light, shall we?

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