Driving in neutral
Isuffer from acute exam phobia. I break into a cold sweat at the thought of an exam or an interview. It doesn’t matter how well prepared I am; I get anxious, fidgety, nervous and agitated. I’ve been like this as far back as I can remember.
My memories of school and college have blurred with time, but what I still remember clearly is my fear of exams. However inconsequential the test, there would always be an element of anxiety. I thought with age it will get better, but it hasn’t.
About 10 days ago, in a fit of midlife madness, I joined a driving school. I used to pass the place three times a week on my way to work, a nice big track with road signs, signals and sharp curves, and one fine morning I decided to check it out.
There’s a reason behind my desire to learn to drive at this age: I recently spent a glorious week with a friend in Goa, and I would like to go back there again at some point soon. I like the sea and the King Beer and the people I met, including the American on the beach who has lived there for 20 years and who told me that male marijuana plants have “balls” and serve no purpose. I also like the fact that in the silence of the night you can actually see the stars and planets in the sky. But it’s difficult to go around from one point to another unless you know how to drive a car or a two- wheeler. And hence the driving school.
I have driven a car before but the last time I sat behind a wheel was some 20- odd years ago and over the years I have lost whatever little confidence I had. I was much younger then; now I am three times the age of most learners in the driving school. I thought it would be nice to talk to some of them but they don’t look the friendly sort. Perhaps they are embarrassed with my presence.
The instructors are good, and patient. They told me there would be theory classes, simulator lessons and practical training on the track. And yes, there would also be exams — two exams in fact: theory and practical.
If he hadn’t mentioned “exam”, I wouldn’t have taken as many notes as I did in theory classes: starting with A for accelerator, B for brake and C for clutch, I wrote down even things I was already familiar with: the role of the clutch (“when pressed, engine power is not transmitted to the gear box”), using the steering wheel (“do not move body when turning wheel”), biting point (“when the car begins to move”), and so on.
They gave me two books ( Guide to Safe Driving ) with hundreds of multiple- choice questions on road signs and road rules, vehicle controls and mechanism, how to drive on hills, in rain and in fog. In three days before the theory test, I went over the two books twice. I memorised that engine oil must be checked with a dipstick when it’s cold, and changed when it’s hot, and that a good average driving speed is 45- 55 kmph.
I jotted down the “causes of accidents” ( one of them is the “emotional state” of the driver), the “two- second rule” to judge the average gap between two speeding cars, safe driving practices ( the “MSM” method — for mirrors, signals and manoeuvres), and how to calculate the stopping distance ( reaction distance plus braking distance). And then I learnt the equation to calculate reaction and braking distances. I must be the most diligent note- taker in the class.
The first time out on the track, I was quite nervous. My simulator session hadn’t gone off too well the previous day. I’ve spent hours playing car racing video games with my son when he was young, and I would drive reasonably well in the game. But five minutes into the simulator I hit the kerb on a straight empty road.
Driving the car on the track the first time, the young instructor sensed my tension. He had infinite patience as I pressed the accelerator when he asked me to put my foot on the brake, or when I released the clutch in a hurry.
Once, going down the slope, I asked him if I should put the gear in neutral, and he said, “You first put yourself in neutral gear; only then you’ll pick up confidence.”
His words struck a chord. They summed up my exam phobia; they were so true about life itself.
The test went off ok and I think I’ll pass — though I did mess up the question about engine oil and average driving speed. If I don’t I can always sit for it again. On the track the next day I told the young instructor about the exam and that it wasn’t very difficult, and he said, “Stay in neutral, boss.”