RELATIONS GALORE...
One of my closest friend’s had asked me to marry him two years ago and I finally said yes to him now. Meanwhile, my parent found another match where the guy works for an MNC. The problem is my friend is three years younger than me and has just started his career, whereas, the other guy is well settled but is emotionally volatile. Also, the latter told me that he loves me in less than 24 hours of meeting me. I told him to slow things down but he is very persistent. Am I in an emotionally abusive relationship? Is it normal for people to fall in love and decide who they want to marry in one meeting?
QYour conflict is whether you should take charge of our life or allow some other guy who says he is head over heels in love with you in just 24 hours to do so. Whom you marry would be a life- changing decision. When caught in a dilemma you need to be clear about what you need and what qualities are you looking for in your potential husband.
It is a time to reflect on your personal priorities and shared values. After the honey moon phase of marriage, it’s these values that will keep the marriage going. Selection of spouse is based on who the person is at the present, not based on the possibility that he will change after marriage. Check for red flags that could indicate an abusive or selfish person; also identify characteristics such as patience, respect, commitment and kindness that help to stay married. My friends and I recently went for a holiday. We were four families with two young children. I made a rather strange observation — foreign babies seem to cry less as compared to our Indian kids, though Indian mothers are forever at their beck and call. Can you throw some light on the topic?
QWhile it seems not so great that Indian mother’s fret and fuss over their children and tolerate their tantrums; they are warm and nurturing. It is also not uncommon to see western moms push a pacifier to soothe their babies; they also seem to raise brats who can be quite a handful. Parenting styles and practices of disciplining children are different. Westerners follow an authoritative parenting style wherein parents set limits and demand maturity, but when punishing a child, the parent will explain his or her motive for their punishment.
Indians follow an authoritarian parenting style where parents set rules and expect compliance and punishment for misbehaviour can be severe. While Indian parents insist on obedience and control over their children their western counterparts respect the child’s individuality and emphasise on the selfesteem of the child. The difference in such parenting attitude has a bearing on children’s freedom of expression and relationships.