Vent with caution
Difficult times affect all of us but one needs to objectively compartmentalise problems instead of letting them collide with other aspects of life and cast a shadow on relationships
Have you noticed how we offload the baggage onto our loved ones when we overlap personal pain, angst, stress at work and hormonal upheaval? That’s only one part of the problem. The other is, when we allow a tough time to collide with other aspects of life and cast a dark shadow onto other relationships by not separating these problems. We also set out into the pattern of constant reassurance seeking. In an example drawn from a recent stressful phase I went through personally, I found in hindsight that I became oversensitive and began to question the love and care of people whom I would otherwise have known had nothing but affection for me. In one of the instances my friend had not replied to some of my messages and I had attributed all sorts of issues to our relationship and computed some unrelated coincidences and created a mountain of tiny anthills. The anthills are part of life, but to magnify and collect them to create a big mountain is very detrimental to one’s equanimity and peace of mind. Difficult times affect and can cause us to be unreasonable and less rational when dealing with our dear ones. I experienced this last year and found that especially in the more intimate relationships, one can becomes less involved and nearly find it difficult to enjoy time together. So, the answer is obviously to push oneself to objectively compartmentalise problems and not allow them to spill over onto every personal and work aspect of one’s life.
It is when we are unable to objectively separate our troubles from other aspects of our life that we enter into conflict, lack of communication, withdrawal and argument. The thing that gets disturbed almost always is sleep, concentration and energy levels. These then make you irritable and then you turn into a worry wart.
Also to occasionally vent with your loved ones is not a taboo but to overuse this privilege is something I’d feverishly advise against. Another adverse effect of tough times that you just don’t deal with is depression and consequent lack of desire and libido in your relationship. Your resentment and emotional trauma may also lead to a poor self- image, exhaustion and performance anxiety. One smart way out I’d suggest is to speak to a friend, play a sport or travel. If none of these work then meet a counsellor who will look at your problems objectively and access them with you, using your own intellect to solve your problems by encouraging you to be objective.
A trick that works wonderfully is leaving a work problem at the door like hanging up your coat before entering home, it is healthy and allows the mind and nerves to regenerate to face the challenge in a more composed way the next day. The same applies to personal problems. These compartments allow you to be more productive and get back to a problem with greater fairness and detachment. The author is a luxury consultant and lifestyle columnist. You can mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com