‘ Fired from Top Gear, Clarkson turns green’

Commerzbank sought a solution to Greece’s financial woes, saying finance minister Yanis Varoufakis had proposed a one- off licence fee of 1 euro on European Union users of Pythagoras’ theorem

London: From a supermarket putting in trampolines for customers to reach the top shelf to prestigious CERN saying it has proved the Force exists, on Wednesday brought April Fool’s spoofs a- plenty.

London’s venerable Royal Albert Hall released an April 1, 1967 letter from its archives protesting “in the strongest conceivable terms” at having The Beatles imply in the song Day in the Life that there were 4,000 holes in its auditorium.

Commerzbank sought a solution to Greece’s financial woes, saying finance minister Yanis Varoufakis had proposed a one- off licence fee of 1 euro on European Union users of Pythagoras’ theorem.

The resulting revenues from April 1, 570 BC to April 1, 2015 would be 107,443,980,002,362,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000 euro at a compounded interest rate of four per cent, it asserted.

Germany’s Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung reported that the European Central Bank was opening a restaurant with a view called “Euro Sunset”. It will offer basic fare to cater for poor southern Europeans.

Britain’s Guardian newspaper reported that famed petrol- head and guru of political incorrectness Jeremy Clarkson, newly fired host of the globally popular Top Gear television show, had joined its drive for fossil fuel divestment.

“Following what he described as a dark night of the soul, Clarkson said he hoped to regain the trust of the British public by dedicating his time and financial resources to sustainable energy, road safety and forging mutual understanding and tolerance between people of different cultures and religions,” the newspaper said.

Meanwhile CERN, the European Organisation for Nuclear Research, reported on its website the “first unequivocal evidence for The Force” using the Large Haldron Collider.

“The Force is what gives a particle physicist his powers,” said CERN theorist Ben Kenobi of the University of Mos Eisley, Tatooine — news that will come as no surprise to fans of Star Wars.

— Reuters