Should you stay, or stay away?
If your partner has an important milestone to achieve in his or her career, you can ensure the focus stays on them and does not deflect on to you
After India lost the World Cup semifinal match to Australia last week, Anushka Sharma found herself in the middle of a storm. The actress, who had travelled to Sydney to support Virat Kohli, was not just ridiculed via memes — much vitriol was hurled at her on social media, all for simply wanting to watch her boyfriend take the field.
While the majority of us may not be in highprofile or high- pressure relationships like Anushka and Virat, there are occasions when you have to take a call between supporting your partner on his/ her big day by being present or staying away. Experts say there is no blanket answer for this, and that an individual’s personality as well as the couple’s equation comes into play.
As a partner, it helps to gauge and understand how much the upcoming venture or endeavour means for the partner. Customise your actions to suit them. Life coach Chetna Mehrotra says, “When your partner is going through in important phase in his/ her career, it is important to pro- vide him/ her a space for reflection, peace, guidance and love. You may not contribute to every decision he/ she makes, but your presence means a lot.”
Sometimes, your partner could feel the pressure of putting on a good performance to impress his/ her loved ones and this thought could compromise their focus. Be there for your partner where it counts; but do make sure your own anxieties do not overwhelm him/ her. Life coach Khyati Birla points out, “Seeing your partner under pressure could put you uner pressure as well. For instance, men tend to withdraw under stress whereas women are more verbally expressive under stress. If your partner’s stress starts getting to you, your focus could end up being on yourself rather than on your partner. This in turn will add to the pressure your partner is feeling and create roadblocks in your partner’s way of handling challenges.”
If you’re uncertain about what to do, ask your partner what he/ she would like — for you to be present, or stay away. Being supportive doesn’t follow a one- size- fits- all approach. Life coach Devanshi Gandhi says, “How support is to be offered depends from partner to partner. It would be advisable to have a talk with your partner and ask him/ her if they would like you to be physically present for their big/ important moment. Some may openly say that it would be a distraction; if so, you have to understand and take a step back and just be a moral support to them. Some may prefer the partner to be present; it may give them the confidence during the big moment.” Life coach Malti Bhojwani adds, “We generalise ‘ be supportive’ when the helpful thing to do is to ask and listen carefully to what your partner means when they want support.”