‘Let him know that you’re not his therapist’

I’m a 26-year-old girl. A friend from college Q pesters me every day to meet him. In the past, he has expressed his love for me, but I’ve told him that I don’t have feelings for him. We stopped talking for a while, but on discovering that he lost his mother, I decided to meet him again. He seems depressed and stalks my profiles on social media — it’s getting creepy. I tried re-asserting the fact in a strict manner, but he refuses to understand. He sends messages saying if I meet him it would lift his mood. I do not wish to give in to these demands. Please help! Confused between supporting a depressed friend against defending your own privacy seems to be a conflict for you. If you are someone who puts others’ needs ahead of themselves, your friend will become an opportunist because you are letting him be one. Keep a check on your need to be helpful. Being a good friend and helping your friends out in need is fine, but getting emotionally trapped because of his depressed condition is not acceptable. What did you feel when you found out that he was stalking you? While you have already told him about your feelings, be clear how you support him as a friend, and always will, but that you will not move beyond that. Let him know that you are not his therapist, who can help him through bereavement. Help him find a good grief and loss counsellor, connect him to a helpline or find a therapist for his depression — but make it clear that you aren’t the one he can go to. By worrying or allowing him to guilt trip you, you are letting him to depend on you. He might not be willing, but express your inability to help him further and gently direct him to a mental health professional to handle the loss of his mother and depression.