‘Consider being compassionate rather than shaming her’
Expert advice
QI married my wife after dating her for just about a year and everything was going pretty well till we celebrated our first anniversary recently. She’s been suffering from anxiety attacks and while I’m trying to be understanding, she blames her attacks on my behaviour. The worst bit is while I’m willing to seek help from a professional and improve; she doesn’t seem keen on visiting a therapist. Instead, she fights with me in public over menial matters and even fights with my parents. I’m at my wits’ ends. What do I do?
When your wife is having anxiety and panic attacks it can make her ultra sensitive due to the fear and doubts in her mind. Understand that she is not feigning the symptoms, but is genuinely struggling with her fears. It is important to know that for people with anxiety they tend to see the world differently — their brain muddles up both safe and unsafe things together and labels them as unsafe.
It is heartening that you are trying to be helpful and understanding but honestly, her fears do not make sense to her too and not just you. Have her symptoms been diagnosed as anxiety by a psychiatrist or a mental health professional? It is essential for getting a detailed examination of her mental status and personal history before evaluating her condition as anxiety or panic attacks.
While your wife is reluctant to seek professional help and expects you to be understanding of her emotional state, you might consider being compassionate rather than get angry or shaming her. Help her to calm down and be considerate rather than ignoring her. Address her concerns that seem menial to you but unsafe and threatening to her. When she feels supported she might be willing to seek professional help. Good luck!