‘ THEY SEEM TO BE EXPECTING MORE FROM YOU’
Expert advice
QI’m a 27- year- old man living with my family. Even as I am the only earning member, my family looks down on me constantly. This is making me very sad. I’ve come out of a severe bout of depression recently and don’t want to go back there. I wish to move away from them, but they make me feel guilty for wanting to do that. Staying in the same house is difficult as they are very negative. How do I move on? I t is sad that people who mean so much to you are taking you for granted. What you are going through is a deep sense of disconnect and sadness with a feeling of being unappreciated. Though you are a reliable person, they seem to be expecting more from you and keep you isolated. They do not realise it is their own insecurity and lack of bonding with their son. Such families with no attachments are often termed as dysfunctional.
Typical characteristics of dysfunctional families can be lack of sensitivity towards certain family members, having inadequate or missing boundaries, extreme conflicts and unfair or unequal treatment. As a child growing up in a dysfunctional family one assumes roles such as — the caretaker or a problem child or at times being a scapegoat. It appears that you are not only being the caretaker but also the scapegoat and being taken for granted by your parents. Understand the psychological manipulation of your parents and spare yourself the negativity.
A family therapist can help you see the relationship roles and dynamics in your family system and suggest you to change from the role of a victim to that of a coach who can be positive in making choices and become less focused on problems and more responsible for life challenges. Good luck!
— This query has been answered by Dr N. Sucharita PhD, from Roshni Counselling Centre, Hyderabad 040- 6666 1117/ 18. Write to us at: feedback. age@ gmail. com with “expert advice” in the subject line